Tag: poetry

Are you a yes person?

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Poetry Night – Mercury Cafe – Denver, CO

I have always been a yes person. Through and through. If I am asked to do something and it sounds even somewhat appealing I will usually say yes. This might sound great, but it has a tendency to get me into trouble. Not because saying yes is a bad thing but because I would say yes to everything and because I am human and get exhausted or forget things I would end up having to cancel last minute or I just wouldn’t show up. I am not using being human as an excuse… I am right now, taking full responsibility for my actions.

There have been many times when I have been called a ‘flake’ and people get mad when you don’t have integrity to your word. Which leaves me always feeling a little powerless. Plus, people really take it personally if you don’t show up somewhere they invited you or if you say yes and cancel. Even though I don’t operate this way, I appreciate people who do. This got me thinking as I began to embark upon a new adventure. How can I learn to say yes to things I really want to say yes to but then say no or maybe to the rest.

No or maybe allow for space to change your mind more acceptably. If you tell a friend you aren’t going to be somewhere and then you change your mind to go they are always stoked and excited. It is interesting that when you cancel or change your mind the opposite way it isn’t as accepted and the outcome has the potential to be less than positive.  I realized through exploring this pattern in myself that I usually say yes, not because I always want to go but because I am 1. an excitable person and I really do enjoy doing most things but 2. I also don’t want people to not like me. I want everyone to like me and everyone loves a yes person, until they have to change their minds.

When I pulled away from Arkansas, I gave myself full permission to experiment with my life in every way possible. Experiment with saying yes to things I usually wouldn’t say yes to or saying no to things that I might usually say yes to.

Experimentation Life Project is going swimmingly!!  I have only canceled on one person and it was for a legitimate reason, my apartment had some flooding that I had to take care of.

I have said no to things that don’t work for me. I was at a friends house and it was getting late and they offered me a place to sleep. I was so tired that I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep well there and I had a long day of work the next day so I said NO, thank you and I got up and made my way home. Saying no empowered me to take control over my life and how I feel.

I also went to visit a friend in a different city in Colorado. We had a great day exploring and then all the sudden I hit a wall and needed to leave. My friend had just begun dinner and usually I would have just stayed and not listened to my body. But not listening to what I need is no longer an option. I sweetly said my goodbyes and drove back to Denver.

I also have been saying YES to things that take me out of my comfort zone!  I said yes to meeting up with a new friend for a drink one evening and he knew very little about me. He knew I was a writer. He knew that I didn’t know much about Denver. After we had a drink, he looked at his watch and said so there is this cafe that has poetry readings on Friday nights at 10pm, you want to go?

I looked at him and said YES! I had never read my poetry out loud to a crowd before. I have shared my poetry and allowed others to read it…but never have I stood in front of a room of strangers and poured my heart to them…well until last Friday.

The picture above pretty much explains the whole thing. Saying YES to my life in each moment has set me on fire. It has given me confidence, trust, and so much joy! I left Mercury Cafe in Denver more on fire to write than ever. I left Mercury Cafe in love with my life. In love with my courage. In love with myself.

From now on I am saying YES to life. Yes to the things that stretch me. Yes to the things that help me grow and evolve and inspire me!! YES YES YES, Universe I am here. I am saying YES. My promise is that when the next step is revealed I will leap forward. I will trust you. I am open. I am ready.

I am going to take a moment and sit in silence and allow the goodness to wash over me. Life is so good.

Pause for a minute and let what is good in your life wash over you…feel it? Doesn’t it feel amazing to acknowledge the good!

My promise is to also honor what I need in each moment and to say no to all things that don’t serve me or that I am not 100% sure I want to take on.

Learning to say yes and no is learning how to operate differently in the world. Learning how to operate inside of boundaries that work for you and your life. It is saying yes to you. This is what will give us energy to put our all into things that set us on fire. This is what will keep us in alignment with our integrity and what we value. This is such a powerful thing to learn.

Also I give you full permission to play, explore, and experiment in your life too. It is pretty freakin’ rad!!!

I would love to hear what is coming up for you!

Love from Denver,

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I am a poet…

Sometimes I write poetry about things I see. I don’t do much editing. I allow the part of my heart that is touched to flow from my body onto paper. Tonight I saw something remarkable and rare.

I saw a man reading to his elderly disabled wife…they were probably about 80.

This is what I wrote:

(I recorded the poem, you can listen to it here >> My Favorite Book…)

My favorite book…

Head bowed uncontrollably
As you read lines
From my favorite book.
After all these years
Your voice still shifts
As characters change,
The moment before they kiss…
Because we know they always kiss,
And the moment before he dies…
Your voice always shifts.
Sometimes I miss entire pages
Hoping you know what this means to me.
Not having seen in your eyes in weeks,
and since I can’t figure out
how to use my voice again.
I ponder and try things
But no movement or sound escapes,
Maybe one day…
Especially since the lines
Of my favorite book
Repeat…
And you are always the narrator.
You even always put my favorite shirt on,
The one with purple strips.
God, all the stuff I want to say to you.
Like…
Since the accident I only dream in black and white
I can still feel the tingles and warmth of our kisses—
It still annoys me how you say sailboat,
That twang might be the death of me.
And why does it have to be the most used word
Of my favorite book.
Your touch is the same…
Even after all these years—
And things like how in the hell
Do you keep getting more goddamn handsome
As time passes—
And thank you… seriously, thank you.
For everything.
I wish I could breathe only one more
Breath, so you could move on.
I’m not sure I can handle one more night
Of hearing your cries…
I know this isn’t easy for you.
Well, except this part…
Flipping the last page of the book
You spent years refusing to read.

— Kimberly Johnson

Part of being alone is me really owning what my heart is calling forth for me to put into the world. Writing and poetry, to be more specific, is one of those things. My poetry and how it comes from me is slightly different than most I have seen or heard. I care less about editing and more about capture moments and leaving them raw and in their natural state. When I started writing poetry in this way I was inspired and moved in such a way that I can’t quite describe in words, ironic huh, except it feels real… It is people and things that my eyes see that inspire me. I see something and entire stories, lives, and universes form in my head.

I had this thought this morning as I re-read my poem. What if I had the power to bring love and romance back to the world? The people? The masses?

I know I have the power and is this what I am here to do?

What I do know, is that I am a romantic in every single ounce of my being. I seek romance everywhere. My inability to see the romance in my marriage is what kept me from giving my heart fully to my ex-husband. Now after almost two years of self-exploration I am clear that seeing romance is an awareness and muscle. One that the more I practice and strengthen the more that life feels lit up and beautiful.

I am so curious about romance because it is something that I long for and yearn for yet people and society tell me that it is made up and that it is something that just exists in fairytales and in movies. Some say that it is something that comes with new experiences and people and then it fades away and leaves just like everything else. I do believe nothing is permanent AND what if you saw the world in such a way that everything was seen in love and romance? I have to wonder because I experience romance daily. Romance is real. It lives. I see it everywhere I look… it exits in everything. In how someone glances at you. In how the local barista hands you your cup of coffee.  In the way the wind whispers in your ears. In getting lost in a new city you have never explored. In the way my sheets are tangled and ridged after a night of restless sleep.

I remember back to the moments when I used to dread being alone. It felt so sad. It felt so painful. The visceral experience is the same… it feels tight and heavy in my chest, tears stream from my eyes, I slow in my motion. Yet a romance has formed around it because I know that this state is similar to the moon flower, at night or at times it must close up, go inward, and build energy so that it can then reopen and reveal itself to the world.

Maybe I am living in a dream state and one day I will be woken up … and in this moment I will continue to dream and be in bliss as life swirls around me in lines of poetry.

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