Tag: entrepreneur (page 1 of 2)

The time you get locked out of your cabin in a snow storm…

The weather here is quite unpredictable. It is part of what I love about this place and also part of the fear of being so secluded in nature.

The other day I left my house to go get some groceries and came back to be completely locked out of my cabin. Not only was I locked out of my cabin but my plastic bag of groceries broke and the contents where spread in the snow outside my cabin door. The reason my cabin was locked was because I am living in seasonal living so the resort has permission to do random cabin checks to make sure the tenants are not destroying the place. Well because I am in the middle of no where I usually do not lock my cabin. When I left to run errands I left my keys on the table as well and returned to a completely airtight cabin with me on the outside wondering what I was going to do.

Let me also explain the weather conditions. Snowing substantially (why I went to get groceries) and in the negative digits as far as temperature.  Also it was after 6pm which means it was dark out. Not the most ideal circumstances to be locked out of my house.

After dropping an entire bag of groceries, realizing I am locked out of my house, and saying a curse word or two…  It hit me. This is life. All that living is, is simply learning to dance with what life presents at any given moment. All that we have control over in this life is ourselves. What we do. How we act. How we interact with others. How we view the world. How we play with outside forces.  Since this is all we can control, it leaves a lot of things out of our control. When we are aware of this we have choice… choice with how to interact with what others and life present to us.

Like obviously it would have been nice to arrive at my cabin and be able to open the door, I left unlocked, with a hand full of groceries and sit in the warmth of my cabin and munch on some of the yummy food I just bought. Yet that is not what happened.

What happened is life presented an obstacle and challenge to me and I got to choose how I handled it and what it meant for my life.

What happened next was beautiful. I popped on my phone (thank you technology).  Looked up the resort website. Called the number on their homepage. Was presented with a voicemail with an emergency number. Called the number and within 15 minutes a man showed up with a  spare key to my cabin. Not only was my crisis averted but I got the opportunity to meet someone new and make a connection and give someone gratitude for helping me. I got to look someone in the eye with love in my heart and thank him. We had a laugh about the situation and a moment of connecting as two humans in the world. Also out of this I had a moment of realizing I can always handle anything. Every time I get to practice handling situations on my own in the world I feel more confident and strong and capable.  As I get more confident in my abilities to dance with what life presents the more I realize that literally anything is possible for me because I will never be in any situation that I can’t handle. Sure this is a minor challenge but major challenges are the same. You take it moment by moment and you simply do what you need to do.

Once I saw a woman drive into a building. She had fallen asleep at the wheel. Her car literally sped quickly across the median in front of mine and rammed into a building. In this moment I did the same thing. Breathed. Took it moment by moment. Went to the car, asked her if she was okay. Called 911. Waited. Talked to her while ambulance arrived to let her know she was going to be okay.

We have a choice to dance, play, and see the opportunities in life or we have the choice to resist, fight back, and see everything as an obstacle to getting you where you want to be.

I mean I could have cursed at the man arriving at my cabin for locking me out of my own house. I could have be short and frustrated and let it ruin my night. I could have had the thought why me? I could have had the thought why is the world against me?

Yet this way of being doesn’t serve me, others, or the world. How you are and how you show up makes a ripple in the world. If I would have been rude or short with the man that came to help, he might have went home frustrated and might have been short with his children or wife, which then ripples to them… and so on and so on. You see the point. How you show up makes a real difference.

Here is a video I would love to share that is such a beautiful example of people seeing opportunity in life. Making the best out of the challenges, struggles, and obstacles in life.

 

They have challenges and obstacles that are presented to them daily and they have discovered the power of dancing instead of fighting. If you are having challenges and struggles in your life it means NOTHING more than you are ALIVE! It is part of life. The alternative is being dead.

The next time you experience something that does not feel ideal or something that is challenging or a struggle ask yourself

How can I dance with this? What is the opportunity here? 

Everything could be either an opportunity or an obstacle… it is your choice.

This isn’t something we master the first time we put it into practice. This is a practice. Seeing life as an opportunity is something that might take time. Be patient with yourself and compassionate with yourself when you react and respond to life with resistance. It is okay, we all do at times. It is about being aware and then practicing how you actually want to show up and be in the world.

Also a huge thank you to the amazing man who inspired me to write this post. You know who you are. I am so grateful for you in my life. Truly you are so special to me.

I would love to hear your thoughts and anything that comes up for you around this! Please share them below in the comments box. Also if these words inspire you please share them with others.

Sending you love and light on your journey.

Kimberly

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Learning trust one rock climbing fall at a time…

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The other day when I was in Bend, Oregon my wonderful friend Whitney’s uncle, Swiss Williamson, took us rock climbing. I didn’t take pictures, but the picture above is a free public domain picture that is beautiful and helps you paint a picture. The weather was not prime for outdoor climbing so he took us to the Bend Rock Gym where we had exactly an hour to climb until the gym was closing. During that hour I climbed hard. Climbing every route that I thought I could smash in an hour.

I hadn’t been climbing in probably about a year. The last time I had climbed was outdoors in Arkansas. My climbing experiences have consistently looked the same. I go climbing with people who are way more experienced and advanced than I am and I rely on them for direction. I look to them for routes and advice and motivation to get me through.

This day in Bend was different.

I put on my shoes, grabbed my chalk and just jumped on the wall. I didn’t ask permission. I didn’t see what other people were climbing. I just climbed. I was climbing for myself. I was climbing to feel my own strength. I was climbing to explore my own power and capabilities.

After spending about 30 minutes on climb after climb. Not having climbed in a year or so my arms and hands were spent. But I wanted to try one more route. It was a v1 white tape route on one of the corners before entering a bouldering cave. It looked relatively easy and I thought it would be a great way to end the night. I jumped on the rock. Swiss Williamson and Whitney were watching me from the ground and doing what I love most about the climbing community, being super supportive. I got to about the last three moves and my arms wanted to give out. I began to feel a little panicky because I was pretty far up and what I was holding onto no longer felt comfortable to hold. My hands were sweaty and I began to say two words… “I can’t”. Swiss and Whit were cheering me on from below, reminding me to breathe, telling me to trust that I could do it, and directing me to change my feet so that my hands and arms wouldn’t have to work so hard and could get a little rest. I was so grateful for their words and could hear what they were saying but then those two words just popped right out of my mouth again…

“I can’t.”

As I said the words I let go of the wall and fell from about 15 feet. Terrified as I hit the floor. My feet hit and then my legs buckled a little and I fell back onto the mat floors. My body was prefect and I was just a little shaken up. The weird thing was, it wasn’t the fall that shook me up. It was my lack of trust in the moment. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t know anything except for that I couldn’t make the next few moves and that I was going to have to fall. The shocking thing about those two words and this experience was that I don’t really live this way. In my day to day experience I will try anything. I will experiment with my life and my business. I will be adventurous and explore things I have never done. I take risks. Fear rarely gets the best of me. So feeling fear and not trusting that I could do something was a very good reminder that I still have lots of areas that I want to explore and take a look at.

Trust is one of them… especially trust in relationships.

I have a hard time trusting others when it comes to intimate relationships. I don’t want to sound jaded and it is a real struggle that pops up when I think about things like dating again. I want to give myself some compassion because I know that I have been through a lot in the last few years AND I don’t want to walk around the rest of my life not trusting others. I want to learn trust at a new level.

I sat on the thick mat floors pondering the fall I just took and slowly stretched and massaged out my hands and arms and then I decided to try again. I spread the white, dusty powder all over my hands in hopes of preventing sweat and got in position. I took the first moves with ease. Feeling fatigued but strong I made it to the same spot that I had fallen before. Swiss and Whitney were giving me beautiful direction again, helping me see where my feet could give my arms a break. I reworked my feet on the wall. My feet were strong yet my arms felt so tired. I began again to question if I was going to make it. Hearing words about trust and breath below I went for it, missed, and fell. Even though I fell, I felt amazing because I tried.

One of my favorite bits of advice I’ve received on my trip is…

“People rarely regret what they’ve tried, they learn from it.  While many people DO regret what they never tried.” 

The trust didn’t mean I made it to the end of the route. The trust gave me the ability to go for it anyways, try, see what happens. The trust gave me a feeling of accomplishment. The accomplishment wasn’t based on completing the climb or not it was based on putting myself out there, knowing I can always try again, knowing that trust and growth is a process in every area of life…not just rock climbing. Doing things in our lives is not about the end point or the completion of said thing… it is about the adventure getting there. It is about learning and taking beautiful things from every step on the way.

After that day at Bend Rock Gym I became clear that climbing could be the way for me to learn to trust again. I would be on the rock learning how to trust myself at a level I had never explored before, well at least not intentionally. I want to rock-climb more to explore self-trust. In doing so I believe that something will begin to shift in me… because it already has from two falls and one night at a climbing gym.

What helps you build trust in your life? Whether it is self trust? Or trust in others? Or trust in the process?

This exploration feels so new and beautiful to me. I have always known I had challenges around trust and now I want to blow it open, take a look, explore it, investigate it, and open myself up to healing and growth that I can’t even imagine possible. I want to walk through this life with the ability to trust myself, others, and life in general. This does not mean blind trust…but when I meet someone I really enjoy I want to get to know them from a loving, trusting place rather than a skeptical and distrusting place.

Same with my relationship with myself. I want to keep trusting that I can travel, make money, and build my business. I want to know that I can trust my instincts and intuition. I want to trust that I can do anything I set my mind too. This is where is starts. The rest will unfold as it will!

I would love to hear your thoughts or stories about trust. Do you struggle with trust too? Please share with me what is coming up! Share below!

xoxo

Kimberly

Our greatest struggle is a greatest gift…

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Today I am sitting in gratitude for all of the pain, struggle, and suffering I have endured. Not only in the last two years but in the entirety of my life.

Yesterday I spent the day in Seattle getting ready for my retreat and spending time with people I love and towards the end of the night I began to feel deep pain in my heart. Pain for living in a world and experience of living that is so unknown and so unpredictable at times. Pain for giving up false securities and safeties. The suffering and struggle that exists when you awaken to the truth that LOVE and NOW is all that exists and everything else in your life is made up because of patterning and survival techniques.

Not only has my struggle lead me to my strength. It has lead me to my truth. To my dream life. To my deep contentment and happiness. This does not mean that the pain goes away. Or that I don’t struggle or suffer.

I do.

Often.

AND I am clear that there is no hierarchy in my emotions, feelings, or my experiences. They are all here to serve me, teach me, and cultivate me towards growth, evolution, and the ability to love more  deeply and cleanly.

How can you send gratitude to all of the situations that have come and gone in your life? How can you send gratitude to your pain, struggle, and suffering? How can you send deep gratitude to everything that has brought you here and made you, you?

Sending you love…

Kimberly

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The moment you backtrack eight hours…

Because you know it will change your life.

Don’t miss the pictures below!

I was staying in Salt Lake City with a dear friend of mine and I was looking at my itinerary for the upcoming weeks of my trip. I had about 5 days of nothing planned. I began to feel overwhelmed by the space and options. I began to reach out to all of the people I know in Idaho and Washington that I knew would open their homes to me. My retreat starts on November 13th and besides a few prep days my schedule was wide open…

This unknown space began to make me anxious. I was anxious because my heart was calling for me to backtrack to spend time alone in the desert. I feel that I was being called the desert to do some healing and do some letting go. I didn’t know what that would look like but I could feel it.  Yet I was having a hard time justifying 8 hours of driving for a few days of healing and adventure. This was not the only thing causing me anxiety. Two of the three days I would be in the desert are also my busiest client days.

How in the hell am I going to make this work?

How can I see clients, grow my business, and follow my heart?

How can I have it all?

This is what part of this trip is for me. Figuring out how to master being a dirt-bag entrepreneur while not sacrificing my personal journey. Yet when it feels a little more difficult I want to take the easy way out. I wanted to make it easy on myself and drive to Idaho and Washington and stay with people with wifi and stay in places I know I have phone service and feel comfortable. There is nothing wrong with this except that this is not what I am being called to do… Going to desert is difficult. Requires leaping into the unknown, facing my life, some planning, and trust.

I was getting curious about why I wanted to do only the things that felt easy and not just follow my heart… and it hit me.

Kimberly the way you master being a dirt-bag entrepreneur while following your heart is by DOING IT.

Not simply ignoring my calling and traveling from friends house to friends house where running my business is easy. Learning how to travel, honor myself, and run  my business looks like doing what I actually want and figuring it out. Figuring out where I have phone service and where I can find wifi is part of the adventure. Figuring out how I can fit in hikes and bike rides and side moments and adventures while seeing clients, having meetings, writing, and growing my beautiful business is the adrenaline rush I am here for.

I know that creating my dream life might not always look pretty. It might be messy and chaotic but it is what I want. 

In fact, I have a story for you. So if it isn’t obvious to you yet, I followed my heart. I drove from Salt Lake to Arches National Park. I am looking all of my fears and questions in the eyes and saying YES to my life. I camped in the park last night and this morning I got up early this morning to watch the sunrise, which was an amazing decision. (Pictures below). Then I did some mapping of my day and decided I would start my day with a two mile hike to two different arches. Landscape Arch and Double Arch. I wanted to give myself plenty of time and space to get down to Moab by noon for my client sessions. I started out on my hike around 7:30am. At the first arch, Landscape Arch, I met a photographer who was taking photos. We started talking and decided to head to Double Arch together because it is a slightly longer hike and its trail is primitive in nature. We hiked out and found the beautiful Double Arch, took some photos, and then wanted to get photos from a different angle and then this happened…

We got lost. Not just once, but three times. My two mile hike ended up being a 7.2 mile hike. Yes… we got that lost. How you might ask? Good question. I am just grateful we made it out. I had eaten a piece of flatbread with peanut butter and had no food on me and only one water bottle. I began to get delusional. I was so grateful to have a hiking buddy. Who knows what would have happened had I not.. During the hike I let go of what it was supposed to look like and just began to trust. I had set myself up with plenty of time for something like this to happen. Plus I feel pretty sure that getting lost is part of my journey right now and I made a new friend and our friendship was deepened by the adventure.

I am discovering more and more that following my heart while being a dirt-bag entrepreneur takes three things: time, research, and trust.

Making sure you put space and time around your ‘business work’ in case something happens that is unplanned… like said hike. Researching cafes, wifi spots, phone service, and locations so that you feel confident enough to form some sort of plan to get all of the things you need to get done, done. Lastly trust. Trusting that everything will work out. Things may not workout the way you envision but they always work out. Think of a time something didn’t work out. I can’t think of any… things don’t always go as I want or see them going. For instance I never thought I would end up divorced AND I did. Yet, everything is working out. I am healing more and more everyday. I am trusting myself more every moment. Even just driving from Salt Lake to Arches was trusting myself. Trusting I would get exactly what I needed to get.

I have only been here one day and I am not exactly clear what all this place is offering me yet… except that I am letting go of my marriage at a whole other level. Last night I sat and watched the sunset and began to weep. The tears covered my face uncontrollably. I didn’t try to stop them, I let them come and let them cleanse my soul. I am still mourning my loss. Mourning the failure of my marriage. Mourning the life I had planned out.

Maybe the desert is the only place that is spacious enough for me to release my sadness and pain. I woke up refreshed. Curious. Peaceful.

Everything is happening, exactly as it will. Universe I am open and ready. I promise to show up. I promise to listen to the calling and follow. I trust that I can make this work. I trust you. I trust me. I trust.

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Xoxo,

Kimberly

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How To Make Friends On The Road…

How To Make Friends On The Road…

For Solo-Travelers or Anyone Else

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Traveling has been an adventure for me on many, many levels!

Mostly I have found that I am learning how to trust myself…

I am learning to trust that I can:

Find my way.

Financially sustain myself.

Live my dream life and grow my business.

Take care of myself: mind, body, and soul while I am traveling.

Make authentic connections in a short time frame. I knowing living life on the road means I might only have moments with a person and I am learning how in a short few minutes to create real connection and community while I am all alone.

This last one is so vital for my health because even though I love being alone I also really need to be around people to thrive. I need to be connected to the truth that even though I am ‘alone’ I am actually never alone. I need to know that I can make friends and make family everywhere I am! Someone once said to me:

“We are our Relationships.” 

I so believe this to be true… making friends and having amazing people around us is so important for our live and our experience of living. The other truth is that the success of my business is based on relationships. So this not only affects my life but it 100% affects my business and what I am trying to create in the world.

The wisdom I have gained isn’t just for solo travelers, this is for anyone who is looking to make new friends, find clients, meeting mates, or simply make genuine connections with other humans.

 

How To Make Friends On The Road…

For Solo-Travelers or Anyone Else

1. Making curiosity your priority. It is easy to see people and judge them by their appearance, job, first words… whatever it is. My advice is to simply get curious about people. Observe and listen. Drop your judgements. When you meet someone new ask them questions. Get curious about their lives. One of my favorite quotes is:

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A few years ago I began living my life from this perspective. It has truly changed how I show up and interact with others. When I meet someone new I automatically think that they are here to teach me something…even if it is patience, kindness, compassion, or to let loose. Every single human we encounter in this life offers an opportunity to learn something about life, yourself, or others. It might be subtle. It might be profound. It is all about curiosity, observation, and listening.

Here are some example questions you could ask someone to start up a conversation: 

  • What do you love most about your life right now?
  • What do you want more than anything?
  • What feels like a struggle or challenge in your life?
  • What are some of the best life decisions you have ever made?
  • If you had an endless supply of money or resources what would you do with your life?
  • Where is somewhere you have always dreamt of traveling?
  • What would it take to make your current dreams to come true?

2. Share about your life. Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. I think one of the biggest obstacles we create for ourselves relationally, as humans, is we expect people to ask us about ourselves and our lives. This means we wait… and wait… and sometimes we miss opportunities to create connection. We can’t expect for people to ask us all the right questions to get us to open up and share about our lives. It is our responsibility to share with people about ourselves if we want them to know about us. This is a different way to approach relationships. This is the same for intimate relationships. If you want your partner to know about you, share. You create your life.

There are other benefits to sharing about our lives. 1. It makes us feel amazing and sharing our story heals us, strengthens us, and builds our confidence in who we are. 2. We never know what sharing our story will offer to others. I always assume that if I feel inspired to share my story that it will be a gift to the person I am sharing it to. Maybe in the moment or maybe years down the road. I trust that when I am inspired to share that something beautiful and magically is and will happen from it. Maybe in that moment you are someone else’s teacher. We don’t have to know why we do things to actually do them… if your heart is telling you to do something — do it — and trust that whatever is meant to come from it will come!

3. Go out and do things you love. When we are doing things we love we automatically up our percentage to meet people with similar interests and people who are in alignment with what we value and what we are up to. So if you love climbing, hit up a climbing gym. If you love to hike join a hiking group. If you love beer, go to local breweries and meet the people who run them, brew, and love to drink great artisan beer. (This is when jumping back to #1 is important. When you go out and do things you love and meet people, get curious about them. Strike up conversations. Remember people are just as nervous as you are to start a conversations. Dig deep into your courage and trust that you will reap the rewards.)

Also remember that you are the most engaged, vibrant, and magnetic when you are doing things that excite you! People can’t help but be attracted to you!

4. Ask for what you want. If you meet someone you really enjoy and feel a connection to. Intentionally make them your friend. Don’t wait around for the Universe to bring you two back together 5 years from now. (This might happen… AND) Invite them to do things. You create your life. This is no different with making friends or creating relationships. Boldly create the friend group of your dreams. Ask people to be your friend. Invite them to coffee. Invite them on your outdoor adventures. Invite them to parties. Do so without the expectation of anything, except the potential of making a new friend and the opportunity to get to know another human. Getting to know other people and spending time with people is sacred. Boldly invite and then just watch what happens. The possibilities are endless.

Meeting new people is one of my favorite things. I hope this blog offers you gifts on your journey. I would love to hear your thoughts, fears, and joys around making friends or making connections in this life. Please share them below! Life is not a waiting game. If we waited for everything we wanted we might get some of it and we also might not. Creating your life has to do with many things and being intentionally and proactive are two great ways to create and get what you want out of your life.

Sending you courage from Utah. Go out and get what you want!

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The pictures say it all…

I spent the last few days traveling from Colorado to Utah and have been in Utah spending time with one of my dear friends, Emily, and her family and exploring Utah!

It has been such an amazing few days. The West has a part of my heart and always will. These pictures might give you a good idea why… enjoy!

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Blue Mesa Lake // Colorado

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Salida, Colorado // Bike Trail

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Publik Coffee Roasters // Park City, Utah

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Hiking with my lovely friend, Emily

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Immigration Canyon // Utah

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Sunset // Utah

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Hike and Aspens // Utah

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Aspens // Utah

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Wyatt // Utah

xoxo,

KJ

My favorite place to cry…

Is in a bear claw tube.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. Maybe it was because I spent the day being active. I did a 20 mile bike ride through the back country of Salida and then I hiked up the iconic S Mountain which gives an amazing view of the entire city of Salida and the most condensed 14ers in Colorado. Here are some pictures.

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The view of the Arkansas River in Salida, CO

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View from S Mountain

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View from my bike ride on the roads less traveled.

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After I biked and hiked I went and grabbed a beer with a friend I met. After the beer I walked home and then all the emotions hit me. In other words I started to feel like I was going to cry. The room I am staying in, in this bed and breakfast, has a bear claw tube…so you guessed it, I filled it up, made it all bubbly and then I laid there and cried. I let it all out too… the crying that when you are done you are done because there are literally no tears left in your entire body! I want every experience I have to be one that is serving my highest self, my most honored and loved self. Even when I cry. There is no shame in crying… In fact it is a physical and emotional release. It is a letting go process and it then creates more open space for you to take in more good in your life and create whatever your heart desires!

Here are some more of my favorite things:

Eatting the same meal over and over and over again. Meal of choice ‘hash’… take your favorite veggies and throw them in a pan with some coconut oil and just let them cook… add your favorite meat or eggs and then top it with salsa and cottage cheese!

Sitting in coffee shops for hours while drinking  way too much coffee.

Writing poetry about things I see people do, the simple things, that most of us do without even thinking about.

To fall in love with people. Both romantically and platonically.

Kissing, I love kissing.

To receive a text message from someone I love. I also love to text message bomb… sending text messages to all the people I adore!

To spend most of my money on self-care… sometimes massage, therapy, intuitive healers, psychics. It is one of my favorite things to do.

Bike or walk over driving any day.

Talking to complete strangers.

Talking to myself. I love when I am doing this and I crack myself up and start laughing at completely inappropriate times…

Listening to the same music over and over and over again until I literally can’t take it anymore. Exceptions: Incubus and Iron and Wine — I could listen to them forever.

Hugging. I have a reputation for hugging people too long… Sorry/not sorry!!

If I am feeling nervous or upset I love to sing. Sing my heart out. It makes me feel grounded. It makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel sexy. It makes me feel…

When my feet are black… to me this is a sign I am playing and adventuring just the right amount! Black feet are my sweet spot!

Having half of my bed covered in books and journals. I sleep this way. I had someone who studies feng shui tell me that this is showing the Universe I am not ready for a partner to sleep in my bed… I think it is telling the Universe that some of the most loyal lovers are books and my writings.

Falling asleep with all of my clothes on.

I love acknowledging the things I love about life and about myself. These are the things that make me unique and make me who I am. It is a practice that I have been doing for quite sometime now. I want to be more myself and the way I started doing that was by noticing the things I loved, each day, every moment. Also noticing the things that are not my favorite, an example driving in a big city. I would rather spend the extra money and take a cab or an uber.

What are your favorite things about life and about yourself? Please share them below. Feel free to list them like I did!

Let us together celebrate life. Celebrate ourselves. Celebrate every single moment of this magical existence… what is happening right now will never happen the same exact way again…making this moment perfect, unique and majestic!

xoxo,
Kimberly

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Driving in cars…

Today I left Denver.

My first month of travel is already over… how that happened, I am not sure.

Yet, today was the day.

It was a full day. Quite eventful.

I got up early. Which to be honest was intense because I spent last night enjoying all of my amazing new Denver friends until the wee hours of the morning. We had a little house party at the “hot house” (early post referral) and it was amazing. The people here have blown my mind.

People, blow my mind. Literally. But that is not what this post is about…

So I got up early and finished cleaning my delicious sublet oasis (I might be fond of this place…) and did a goodbye ceremony which pretty much just looked like me staring into space admiring and sharing my gratitudes outloud!! Then I went and met the new subletee to key drop. Then I went to lunch with a  friend that has become family. Followed by giving a few more friends goodbye kisses. And then I drove to a tattoo shop and got a new tattoo… Don’t worry it wasn’t a quickie off the wall… I have been wanting this tattoo for a really long time and was introduced to a great artist at Dedication Tattoo, named Jason! He did beautiful work… it is quite simple and beautiful. I am not ready to reveal it but soon enough… soon enough.

Then I drove from Denver to Salida, Colorado… Let me just tell you something… this drive. I took 285 and the entire drive was like something out of a magical fairytale. I made one pit stop at the Collegiate Peaks Lookout (picture below).

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During the drive something hit me

I love driving completely alone and being the only car on the road.

There is something about it. It is just you and road. You and earth. You and thoughts. You and you…

The most profound thing about this statement is that everyday I realize more and more how much I enjoy being alone. At this moment it was like that moment when pudding is no longer watery but becomes more solid and thick and real and ready to chill!  Yeah it was like that. It was a pudding moment for me. (Feel free to use pudding as a verb from now on… you’re welcome!!!) What I am really getting at is that my truth keeps getting more solid, thick, tangible…and it is truly amazing!

During my divorce when I was, what felt like, thrown into being alone and didn’t want to be… being alone was the worst, most painful experience of my life. Part of that was feeling completely betrayed but the other part was that I didn’t think I was good at being alone, it wasn’t natural for me. It wasn’t my path. Well I thought that until…

A few months ago when I started studying astrology as another modality to do inner exploration. During my studies I learned the most profound thing about myself: I actually am a very introverted person. I know, I know… if you are reading this and know me intimately then you must be laughing your ass off because I am also one of the most social people you will ever meet.

I am what they call an introvert/extrovert — yep.

I have been told since I was little how wonderful it is that I am so social and such an extrovert. I am not saying this is false. What I am saying is that there was never any room for me to explore being an introvert and being alone. I always thought I got strength and energy from others and that being alone just wasn’t really something I was into.  Now as I sit in my dear friends families bed and breakfast with the entire 5 room place to myself I am highly aware that the opposite is true. I gain so much energy, strength, clarity, and joy from being alone. In fact it is my sacred space. To be more specific I am sacred and everything I do and everyone I engage with gets access to my sacred space. That is a huge shift for me.

I am in a state of evaluation. Even tonight. I went to the local brewery to grab a brew and do some writing. This very handsome, mountain man started up a conversation with me and then as he left asked me for my number. I didn’t have any business cards on me so I just decided well okay… no harm, no foul. The best part. He texted me soon after to see if I would come meet him back out. My past self would have said yes… a little flirting, another drink, some laughs, a good time… definitely yes… but me now I told him no, I told him I would rather write and be alone. I need to write that again in order to truly believe it with my own eyes…

I told him I would rather write and be alone… holy shit. 

This does not mean that I don’t want to be in relationship with others or that I don’t want to find a man that makes me hot and bothered or that I don’t want to spend time with new people and hear about others lives and dreams… what it means is that if my body is telling me to spend time writing and being alone… you better believe I am going to do just that. No more sacrificing my needs for others. No more ignoring my inner cues and intuition. No more…

I don’t say this to myself enough, but I am really damn proud of myself. This is exactly what I wanted and it is exactly what I am getting… Sure it looks different than I thought it would at times… but I have been dreaming about falling in love with myself for years… I am so grateful for this time. I am especially grateful because as I talk and meet more people on my travels, one common thing people say to me is:

“you are so lucky for this time, I have never been alone”.

People have openly expressed that they wish they had had the opportunity that I am having right now. Or that they could do it now…Time to explore themselves and explore the world. Well don’t you worry, anyone who feels that way…please live vicariously through me until it is your time. Come here to read and also share about your dreams or things you have done that you want the world to see. This is your space. This is where dreams come alive. This is where confidence and believing in what you are capable of is born. This is where ANYTHING is possible. I have so many people in my life that say the words can’t. I can’t do that. You can’t do that… I do not even understand that phrase anymore. If you want something, go after it. You don’t have to know how… thinking we need to know how is an illusion because all that there is ever is doing one thing after another after another after another. It just one small step at a time. Don’t worry or get overwhelmed by the end result… this isn’t a race and isn’t about the destination … it is about the journey and the day to day adventures that will get you to where you want to be.

If this blog does anything… I want it to inspire others to live. That doesn’t mean you have to travel like I am… tap into what living and creating your dream life looks like and then go after it.

STOP MAKING EXCUSES…

A dear friend of mine said to me the other day that when she was younger she bought a one way ticket to Europe and while traveling she met a man that told her “it is better to regret what you did then to regret what you never tried”. 

I love that quote.

Can you sit for 5 minutes today and ask yourself if I died tomorrow am I living and experiencing life as I want to?

If it’s a yes, hell yeah!!! Breathe into how amazing that is…

Seriously keep sitting in…allow yourself to be doused in the beauty of your life!

If your answer is a no… cool. Think of things about your life that you do love and then acknowledge the not so ideal things without judgement. Where you are is perfect… I mean you are reading this and hopefully you are thinking about life and really that is all we can ever do. So now ask yourself ok what is one thing right now, today that I can do to move toward what I really want? Maybe it is going on a walk with your partner or baking something new that you have been dreaming of making or taking the new job in the face of fear or asking someone for help or booking that plane ticket you have been saying you want to book…

Whatever it is…

Our hearts call us to do things and we don’t do them and then we feel bad or beat ourselves up or regret never doing it…

I feel like I am going on this journey for all of humanity. To teach others to explore themselves. Take risks. Discover what they truly want and then go after it with a fire that can never be put out.

I give you permission to go deep within yourself and experience all of the sweet nectar that lives there.

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Are you a yes person?

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Poetry Night – Mercury Cafe – Denver, CO

I have always been a yes person. Through and through. If I am asked to do something and it sounds even somewhat appealing I will usually say yes. This might sound great, but it has a tendency to get me into trouble. Not because saying yes is a bad thing but because I would say yes to everything and because I am human and get exhausted or forget things I would end up having to cancel last minute or I just wouldn’t show up. I am not using being human as an excuse… I am right now, taking full responsibility for my actions.

There have been many times when I have been called a ‘flake’ and people get mad when you don’t have integrity to your word. Which leaves me always feeling a little powerless. Plus, people really take it personally if you don’t show up somewhere they invited you or if you say yes and cancel. Even though I don’t operate this way, I appreciate people who do. This got me thinking as I began to embark upon a new adventure. How can I learn to say yes to things I really want to say yes to but then say no or maybe to the rest.

No or maybe allow for space to change your mind more acceptably. If you tell a friend you aren’t going to be somewhere and then you change your mind to go they are always stoked and excited. It is interesting that when you cancel or change your mind the opposite way it isn’t as accepted and the outcome has the potential to be less than positive.  I realized through exploring this pattern in myself that I usually say yes, not because I always want to go but because I am 1. an excitable person and I really do enjoy doing most things but 2. I also don’t want people to not like me. I want everyone to like me and everyone loves a yes person, until they have to change their minds.

When I pulled away from Arkansas, I gave myself full permission to experiment with my life in every way possible. Experiment with saying yes to things I usually wouldn’t say yes to or saying no to things that I might usually say yes to.

Experimentation Life Project is going swimmingly!!  I have only canceled on one person and it was for a legitimate reason, my apartment had some flooding that I had to take care of.

I have said no to things that don’t work for me. I was at a friends house and it was getting late and they offered me a place to sleep. I was so tired that I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep well there and I had a long day of work the next day so I said NO, thank you and I got up and made my way home. Saying no empowered me to take control over my life and how I feel.

I also went to visit a friend in a different city in Colorado. We had a great day exploring and then all the sudden I hit a wall and needed to leave. My friend had just begun dinner and usually I would have just stayed and not listened to my body. But not listening to what I need is no longer an option. I sweetly said my goodbyes and drove back to Denver.

I also have been saying YES to things that take me out of my comfort zone!  I said yes to meeting up with a new friend for a drink one evening and he knew very little about me. He knew I was a writer. He knew that I didn’t know much about Denver. After we had a drink, he looked at his watch and said so there is this cafe that has poetry readings on Friday nights at 10pm, you want to go?

I looked at him and said YES! I had never read my poetry out loud to a crowd before. I have shared my poetry and allowed others to read it…but never have I stood in front of a room of strangers and poured my heart to them…well until last Friday.

The picture above pretty much explains the whole thing. Saying YES to my life in each moment has set me on fire. It has given me confidence, trust, and so much joy! I left Mercury Cafe in Denver more on fire to write than ever. I left Mercury Cafe in love with my life. In love with my courage. In love with myself.

From now on I am saying YES to life. Yes to the things that stretch me. Yes to the things that help me grow and evolve and inspire me!! YES YES YES, Universe I am here. I am saying YES. My promise is that when the next step is revealed I will leap forward. I will trust you. I am open. I am ready.

I am going to take a moment and sit in silence and allow the goodness to wash over me. Life is so good.

Pause for a minute and let what is good in your life wash over you…feel it? Doesn’t it feel amazing to acknowledge the good!

My promise is to also honor what I need in each moment and to say no to all things that don’t serve me or that I am not 100% sure I want to take on.

Learning to say yes and no is learning how to operate differently in the world. Learning how to operate inside of boundaries that work for you and your life. It is saying yes to you. This is what will give us energy to put our all into things that set us on fire. This is what will keep us in alignment with our integrity and what we value. This is such a powerful thing to learn.

Also I give you full permission to play, explore, and experiment in your life too. It is pretty freakin’ rad!!!

I would love to hear what is coming up for you!

Love from Denver,

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What dreams may come…

Living in Denver has been a TRIP… In fact if any of you readers are tempted to move here, you might have a built in roommate (me)!! You lucky duck!

I decided in October to leap into my dreams and move to Denver because it marked the one year of my divorce finalizing. I officially have been divorced a year and have been without a partner for almost two  years. Before I got married, I had maybe spent a total of two years alone. I was always in some sort of relationship. Always codependent on someone else. Always looking for my truth and worth in the eyes of another. Always looking for approval. Always hoping that I would be the gem in someone else’s eye.

Well let me tell a little of what has happened here in the beautiful mile high city, in a short three weeks:

I forced my way into the lives of a group of amazing humans. I was once told by a friend that if you want someone to be your friend, make them your friend. So that is exactly what I did. One night, a friend and I, knocked on the door of a house that we had been eyeing. Once the door opened I knew that my life would be changed. This group of humans only do what they want and they make money don’t it. Sound familiar? It is kind of exactly what I am looking to do… They are brilliant. They are creative. They think outside the box. They have become my friends, colleagues, and inspirations. They have given me the wind I needed when I wasn’t sure if I could get off the ground on my own. They have given me full permission to go after what I want and NEVER LOOK BACK. Thank you Pennsylvanian Hot House!

I asked the Universe for a mentor and it gave me one. This person is completely different than me.  They offer me a whole entirely new skill set. They offer me a sounding board and truth. In fact, my heart is telling me that this is the game changer I have been seeking.

I got to spend an entire week with part of my soul, a desert sister, that has been a rock in my life since 2007! She came to Denver and let’s just say we left this town a little different than we found it. Oh the shenanigans!!

I have met woman upon woman who have spoken to my soul. Who live life differently. Who want to play big. Who are seeking. Goodness my heart is overflowing from every interaction I have been blessed to have with all of you! Thank you for being exactly who you are!

I have gotten the opportunity to miss all of the humans that I have and LOVE in my life. To miss someone is such a unique experience. It is so fun to put time, effort, thought into staying connected. Picture texts, phone calls, energetic exchanges…

I have written some of my most beautiful pieces of work. I am growing as a writer and learning how I write and what works for me. I am learning what inspires me when I write. Which comes so much from people. The mundane things in life. Watching  people live. Watching people interact. Watching people love. Being the observer of people and allowing it to fill me and inspire me has changed my entire life. Thanks people for being people! It is truly profound to be human and to walk this Earth. It takes courage. I honor all of you for doing it. And I thank you for sharing it with me, even if in the smallest specks of time and knowing we never see each other again. This is what life is about and the fact that I get to capture it in words is a gift.

My career has come to life. My belief and trust in my work has solidified. My passion is constantly increasing like a beam of light and everyday I see it has reached a little further and has rooted itself a little deeper into my soul. It is beginning to be difficult to distinguish the difference between my life and my work.

This one is the knocker…

Last night as I was lying in bed something happened… I had the thought…

“I can’t imagine anyone being in this bed with me.”

Then my thought process looked something like this…

Shit.

I like being alone?

I like being alone!

Yes, I really like being alone!!

I like who I am. I like being around myself. In this moment I realized I am becoming the gem of my own eye.

Then I rolled over and fell into a deep, restful sleep and had the first dream I have remembered in a long time. I dreamed I was in a beautiful relationship and I was happy.

The smile I fell asleep with hasn’t left my face.

I am beginning to believe I have it in me to love another deeply again. To open up. To trust.

This is such a relief to me. I knew I would eventually have to come full circle and begin to open again… but I was seriously worrying because every time I would think about being in a relationship or see a couple I would get nauseated… I wish I was joking. Two years in a constant state of nausea. I was wondering if it was serious…

Today I feel different. Like I’ve turned a leaf. Maybe the changing of seasons has something to do with it. Or maybe in falling in love with myself and being dedicated to go after what I want has given me space to heal and love again.

All that I do know is that the path revealed itself to me and I said YES! Each day is a new adventure that I am embracing. Each day I take one more step forward. Today I am at peace. I am free. I am alive. I am so grateful for this life and the opportunity to live it.

More to come…

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