Tag: enlightenment

Parents and Enlightenment…

There are moments in life when you are on the crux of something big. You can feel it in every inch of your body. In every moment of your days. In everything…

The experience can easily be confused for fear, anxiety, or intensity. For being lost. For feeling confused or like you have no idea what is going on.

I am at one of those moments. I am triggered by everything while I also understand everything a little bit more than I did yesterday or the moment before.

My parents are here visiting. They are amazing. They are everything to me. They have shown me what family is. They have shown me what love is. They have shown me so much about life and living.

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Yet they are here and I find myself so triggered. I find myself having anxiety. I find myself being intense.

Nothing is wrong. Nothing is bad. Yet something gets said and I revert back to my 10 year old self that doesn’t know how to say what she needs, ask for what she wants, or speak clearly and coherently about anything. Instead I shut down. I want to argue. I want to raise my voice.

This morning hiking the Flatirons in Boulder (picture above) I find myself feeling annoyed by little things they are doing. Talking on the phone during the hike, making comments about people and what they are doing… I begin sticking up for people who live on the edge and want adventure and don’t care if they die doing it. I sooo get this type of person. I am this type of person.

Then later trying to figuring out brunch plans me and my father get into it. He doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on breakfast (understandable) I don’t want to make a decision because I don’t have a preference. We begin to clash. I shut down. I being to feel like fuck I don’t know how to relate to them. Why can’t I just talk to them. Why do I feel this way. Why do I feel like I just want to go be alone and never see another human again. Why do I feel soooo fucking bad at this. At life. At relationships. At being kind to and accepting of my parents. Why…. like why can’t I just let them be and why can’t I just be and why can’t everything just be gravy and cool and calm and collected?

I went to work after hiking and brunch. I left work hours later feeling so awful about how I treated them. They are getting old and what if this is the last time I get to see them? What if something happens to them and they made all of this effort to come to Colorado to see me and I am just being a dick? What if I live in Colorado forever and I only see them once a year again and I don’t get to know them in their old age? I feel so much guilt…. Then I just want to cry….

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My heart aches as I write this. All I really want for them to know is how much I love them. How much I long to not take a single day with them for granted. How grateful I am to have them in my life. How grateful I am that they came all this way to be with me. How fucking amazing they are and how much I love them.

I just want to be present with them. I want to laugh with them. I want to sit with them. I want to know them… I want to know them… God I just want to know them

I know this feeling I know this moment I know RIGHT NOW I am on the crux…

The crux of accepting myself. I can’t accept my own parents because I can’t accept myself.

I do something and I guilt myself until I can barely function.

I spend so much of my life picking at myself. My failures. My inability to not fuck up relationships with everyone. My imperfect body. My intensity. My being too emotional… My permanent limitations.

Pick.

Pick.

Pick.

Pick.

No wonder I am picking on them… this is how I treat myself all of the time. Nothing I can do is good enough so why would it be different for other people in my life?

Fuck.

Pause…. breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Gentle.

Breathe.

It is okay to get annoyed. It doesn’t have to overtake me. It is okay to not know how to accept everything. It doesn’t have to define me, them, or their trip here. It is okay that I am triggered by them… it is not WHO I AM.  It is okay that I am learning to love all of me. This will be a life long practice.

It is okay to be whatever you are in each moment. It is normal. It is the human condition to feel emotion and have thoughts and feel certain ways. It does not have to become a definition of anything you are. It can just be. Then you can watch them change because they will always change. Your emotions, thoughts, and feelings will always change. They are not permanent. They ebb and flow and change and evolve, ALWAYS.

They are information for you. I realized as I was contemplating writing this blog that I have been working 8 hour days, spending all my time off with my parents, and then repeating. I just moved to a new city. I am in a new home. I have had no time to myself. I have not been taking care of myself. This is the perfect storm for many things… mostly GROWTH. AWARENESS. AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE GENTLE.

Life is about the balance.

Right now it is about how can I be fully present with my  parents and also take care of myself and honor what I need. How can I have awareness of all the ways in which I nit pick myself and also fiercely choose love in the face. How can I notice the ways I am triggered by my family and not let it define me or our moments together.

I got off work tonight and I decided to just come home. Spend an evening alone, playing music, sitting in silence, writing, and then going to bed early. I decided to be gentle and pause.

We free ourselves when we are gentle. We free ourselves when we listen to what we need in each moment. We free ourselves when we speak truth about what we need and do it in a loving way. We free ourselves when we allow ourselves to be.

I am on the crux of learning so much about myself and life. I knew the second I signed on to move to Denver that this is what I was embarking upon. The first month I was here I felt resistance to go there. I was drinking quite a bit and going out and being super social and NEVER SPENDING A MOMENT ALONE, because I knew that the crux was coming, the shifting was coming, the change was coming… and honestly it terrifies the shit out of me and also IS SOOOOO EXCITING.

My parents being here is just another push into me becoming my greatest self. I can’t ignore what comes up when I am around them. They mirror so many beautiful things to me.

Ram Dass says it best:

“If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.”

Amen.

Tomorrow I am taking them hiking again and my only goal is to be exactly where I am. Be kind to myself. LOVE MYSELF AND MY PARENTS FIERCELY. And have a hell of a time.

To the crux and to learning and to being human y’all (it’s a wild thing),

Kimberly

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How To Make Friends On The Road…

How To Make Friends On The Road…

For Solo-Travelers or Anyone Else

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Traveling has been an adventure for me on many, many levels!

Mostly I have found that I am learning how to trust myself…

I am learning to trust that I can:

Find my way.

Financially sustain myself.

Live my dream life and grow my business.

Take care of myself: mind, body, and soul while I am traveling.

Make authentic connections in a short time frame. I knowing living life on the road means I might only have moments with a person and I am learning how in a short few minutes to create real connection and community while I am all alone.

This last one is so vital for my health because even though I love being alone I also really need to be around people to thrive. I need to be connected to the truth that even though I am ‘alone’ I am actually never alone. I need to know that I can make friends and make family everywhere I am! Someone once said to me:

“We are our Relationships.” 

I so believe this to be true… making friends and having amazing people around us is so important for our live and our experience of living. The other truth is that the success of my business is based on relationships. So this not only affects my life but it 100% affects my business and what I am trying to create in the world.

The wisdom I have gained isn’t just for solo travelers, this is for anyone who is looking to make new friends, find clients, meeting mates, or simply make genuine connections with other humans.

 

How To Make Friends On The Road…

For Solo-Travelers or Anyone Else

1. Making curiosity your priority. It is easy to see people and judge them by their appearance, job, first words… whatever it is. My advice is to simply get curious about people. Observe and listen. Drop your judgements. When you meet someone new ask them questions. Get curious about their lives. One of my favorite quotes is:

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A few years ago I began living my life from this perspective. It has truly changed how I show up and interact with others. When I meet someone new I automatically think that they are here to teach me something…even if it is patience, kindness, compassion, or to let loose. Every single human we encounter in this life offers an opportunity to learn something about life, yourself, or others. It might be subtle. It might be profound. It is all about curiosity, observation, and listening.

Here are some example questions you could ask someone to start up a conversation: 

  • What do you love most about your life right now?
  • What do you want more than anything?
  • What feels like a struggle or challenge in your life?
  • What are some of the best life decisions you have ever made?
  • If you had an endless supply of money or resources what would you do with your life?
  • Where is somewhere you have always dreamt of traveling?
  • What would it take to make your current dreams to come true?

2. Share about your life. Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. I think one of the biggest obstacles we create for ourselves relationally, as humans, is we expect people to ask us about ourselves and our lives. This means we wait… and wait… and sometimes we miss opportunities to create connection. We can’t expect for people to ask us all the right questions to get us to open up and share about our lives. It is our responsibility to share with people about ourselves if we want them to know about us. This is a different way to approach relationships. This is the same for intimate relationships. If you want your partner to know about you, share. You create your life.

There are other benefits to sharing about our lives. 1. It makes us feel amazing and sharing our story heals us, strengthens us, and builds our confidence in who we are. 2. We never know what sharing our story will offer to others. I always assume that if I feel inspired to share my story that it will be a gift to the person I am sharing it to. Maybe in the moment or maybe years down the road. I trust that when I am inspired to share that something beautiful and magically is and will happen from it. Maybe in that moment you are someone else’s teacher. We don’t have to know why we do things to actually do them… if your heart is telling you to do something — do it — and trust that whatever is meant to come from it will come!

3. Go out and do things you love. When we are doing things we love we automatically up our percentage to meet people with similar interests and people who are in alignment with what we value and what we are up to. So if you love climbing, hit up a climbing gym. If you love to hike join a hiking group. If you love beer, go to local breweries and meet the people who run them, brew, and love to drink great artisan beer. (This is when jumping back to #1 is important. When you go out and do things you love and meet people, get curious about them. Strike up conversations. Remember people are just as nervous as you are to start a conversations. Dig deep into your courage and trust that you will reap the rewards.)

Also remember that you are the most engaged, vibrant, and magnetic when you are doing things that excite you! People can’t help but be attracted to you!

4. Ask for what you want. If you meet someone you really enjoy and feel a connection to. Intentionally make them your friend. Don’t wait around for the Universe to bring you two back together 5 years from now. (This might happen… AND) Invite them to do things. You create your life. This is no different with making friends or creating relationships. Boldly create the friend group of your dreams. Ask people to be your friend. Invite them to coffee. Invite them on your outdoor adventures. Invite them to parties. Do so without the expectation of anything, except the potential of making a new friend and the opportunity to get to know another human. Getting to know other people and spending time with people is sacred. Boldly invite and then just watch what happens. The possibilities are endless.

Meeting new people is one of my favorite things. I hope this blog offers you gifts on your journey. I would love to hear your thoughts, fears, and joys around making friends or making connections in this life. Please share them below! Life is not a waiting game. If we waited for everything we wanted we might get some of it and we also might not. Creating your life has to do with many things and being intentionally and proactive are two great ways to create and get what you want out of your life.

Sending you courage from Utah. Go out and get what you want!

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