Tag: Colorado

A ten dollar bill and a homeless man…

I used to be a very stingy person. Always feeling like I didn’t have enough of anything to give to another. Feeling the fear of not having enough money or time. In this fear I stopped giving pretty much all together. I clung to everything I had and I was left pretty empty and tired and stressed about all of the things I feared not having enough of.

This was especially true of giving anything to homeless people I would meet in the world.

I used to never be able to look homeless people in the eyes. I used to walk past them quickly and avoid any sort of contact. This to me was a place where I felt so much shame because I have a brother who is homeless. I spent years pretending that I didn’t judge him or think anything less of him yet my actions spoke very differently of what I actually thought.

My journey to Denver has been a journey of looking closer at this and dissolving all separation I have towards me and my fellow brothers and sisters that live on this Earth with me. All judgments I carry towards them. All the ways that I feel better than them. All the ways that I feel less than them.

It has been a journey of how to love everyone the same. Treat everyone the same. Give to everyone the same. Look at everyone in the eyes the same.

To see truth in everyone.

 

As I have been practicing these things I have had many things come up… painful and intense things.

Today, this is what happened. I became very triggered by my interaction with a homeless man on the side of the street.

To process it I made a video about what happened.

I believe clarity happens when we sit with things. Many people think sitting is an act of laziness or that it won’t get you anywhere to sit. I think it is the core of being and the core of understanding ourselves and this life. It is where so much information is given to us. If we take the time to sit so much will be revealed to us.

This story is also a reminder that we aren’t meant to have all of the answers. That is what God/Spirit/Universe is for. It is our duty to call on and ask for things to be translated to truth that we don’t understand. Let go and let God. It is simply a practice. Letting go and sitting and asking for clarity and truth. Just like I laid out in the video. It isn’t some magic formula it is as simple as pausing and praying or asking for help.

This man, this lovely man was my teacher today. I honor him and his journey. I am so grateful.

May our lives be our message. May we have the courage to walk our talk and be a walking example of love and light in this world.

Now it is your turn!! What are you practicing right now? What came up for you when you watched this video? Please share your voice in the comments. Also if you feel like someone would love these words please feel free to share this video or blog!

In gratitude to the strangers we meet along the journey,

Kimberly jess-6501

 

Parents and Enlightenment…

There are moments in life when you are on the crux of something big. You can feel it in every inch of your body. In every moment of your days. In everything…

The experience can easily be confused for fear, anxiety, or intensity. For being lost. For feeling confused or like you have no idea what is going on.

I am at one of those moments. I am triggered by everything while I also understand everything a little bit more than I did yesterday or the moment before.

My parents are here visiting. They are amazing. They are everything to me. They have shown me what family is. They have shown me what love is. They have shown me so much about life and living.

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Yet they are here and I find myself so triggered. I find myself having anxiety. I find myself being intense.

Nothing is wrong. Nothing is bad. Yet something gets said and I revert back to my 10 year old self that doesn’t know how to say what she needs, ask for what she wants, or speak clearly and coherently about anything. Instead I shut down. I want to argue. I want to raise my voice.

This morning hiking the Flatirons in Boulder (picture above) I find myself feeling annoyed by little things they are doing. Talking on the phone during the hike, making comments about people and what they are doing… I begin sticking up for people who live on the edge and want adventure and don’t care if they die doing it. I sooo get this type of person. I am this type of person.

Then later trying to figuring out brunch plans me and my father get into it. He doesn’t want to spend a lot of money on breakfast (understandable) I don’t want to make a decision because I don’t have a preference. We begin to clash. I shut down. I being to feel like fuck I don’t know how to relate to them. Why can’t I just talk to them. Why do I feel this way. Why do I feel like I just want to go be alone and never see another human again. Why do I feel soooo fucking bad at this. At life. At relationships. At being kind to and accepting of my parents. Why…. like why can’t I just let them be and why can’t I just be and why can’t everything just be gravy and cool and calm and collected?

I went to work after hiking and brunch. I left work hours later feeling so awful about how I treated them. They are getting old and what if this is the last time I get to see them? What if something happens to them and they made all of this effort to come to Colorado to see me and I am just being a dick? What if I live in Colorado forever and I only see them once a year again and I don’t get to know them in their old age? I feel so much guilt…. Then I just want to cry….

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My heart aches as I write this. All I really want for them to know is how much I love them. How much I long to not take a single day with them for granted. How grateful I am to have them in my life. How grateful I am that they came all this way to be with me. How fucking amazing they are and how much I love them.

I just want to be present with them. I want to laugh with them. I want to sit with them. I want to know them… I want to know them… God I just want to know them

I know this feeling I know this moment I know RIGHT NOW I am on the crux…

The crux of accepting myself. I can’t accept my own parents because I can’t accept myself.

I do something and I guilt myself until I can barely function.

I spend so much of my life picking at myself. My failures. My inability to not fuck up relationships with everyone. My imperfect body. My intensity. My being too emotional… My permanent limitations.

Pick.

Pick.

Pick.

Pick.

No wonder I am picking on them… this is how I treat myself all of the time. Nothing I can do is good enough so why would it be different for other people in my life?

Fuck.

Pause…. breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Gentle.

Breathe.

It is okay to get annoyed. It doesn’t have to overtake me. It is okay to not know how to accept everything. It doesn’t have to define me, them, or their trip here. It is okay that I am triggered by them… it is not WHO I AM.  It is okay that I am learning to love all of me. This will be a life long practice.

It is okay to be whatever you are in each moment. It is normal. It is the human condition to feel emotion and have thoughts and feel certain ways. It does not have to become a definition of anything you are. It can just be. Then you can watch them change because they will always change. Your emotions, thoughts, and feelings will always change. They are not permanent. They ebb and flow and change and evolve, ALWAYS.

They are information for you. I realized as I was contemplating writing this blog that I have been working 8 hour days, spending all my time off with my parents, and then repeating. I just moved to a new city. I am in a new home. I have had no time to myself. I have not been taking care of myself. This is the perfect storm for many things… mostly GROWTH. AWARENESS. AN OPPORTUNITY TO BE GENTLE.

Life is about the balance.

Right now it is about how can I be fully present with my  parents and also take care of myself and honor what I need. How can I have awareness of all the ways in which I nit pick myself and also fiercely choose love in the face. How can I notice the ways I am triggered by my family and not let it define me or our moments together.

I got off work tonight and I decided to just come home. Spend an evening alone, playing music, sitting in silence, writing, and then going to bed early. I decided to be gentle and pause.

We free ourselves when we are gentle. We free ourselves when we listen to what we need in each moment. We free ourselves when we speak truth about what we need and do it in a loving way. We free ourselves when we allow ourselves to be.

I am on the crux of learning so much about myself and life. I knew the second I signed on to move to Denver that this is what I was embarking upon. The first month I was here I felt resistance to go there. I was drinking quite a bit and going out and being super social and NEVER SPENDING A MOMENT ALONE, because I knew that the crux was coming, the shifting was coming, the change was coming… and honestly it terrifies the shit out of me and also IS SOOOOO EXCITING.

My parents being here is just another push into me becoming my greatest self. I can’t ignore what comes up when I am around them. They mirror so many beautiful things to me.

Ram Dass says it best:

“If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.”

Amen.

Tomorrow I am taking them hiking again and my only goal is to be exactly where I am. Be kind to myself. LOVE MYSELF AND MY PARENTS FIERCELY. And have a hell of a time.

To the crux and to learning and to being human y’all (it’s a wild thing),

Kimberly

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This is pretty huge…

So I have been in Denver only 3 weeks and it feels like I have lived here forever, which I am totally taking as a good sign.

Let me recap…

I’ve started a job at an awesome coffee company, Corvus Coffee, check out what they are up to.

An amazing apartment in the South Highlands of Denver found me. Let me just say this again. AN APARTMENT FOUDN ME, and it is the perfect space and price for my budget. It literally has everything. It has internet. It is fully furnished so I don’t have to buy any furniture. It is tiny so I can’t collect a bunch of stuff I don’t need. It has washer/dryer. It has an amazing landlord who is an organic Chef and Caterer in the city! (I start moving tomorrow!) I say the apartment found me because I met this woman at Corvus and she then called the coffee shop after she left and offered me the studio apartment in her home.

I have been exploring. I went hiking with a co-worker. I went to a winery with my best friend and roomie. I’ve been taking long walks. Seeing parts of the city I’ve never seen. Also just been having a really, really good time!!

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South Boulder Peak (8500 feet- Pretty Intense Hike) 

LASTLY this is the HUUUUUGE THING. Last night I auditioned to be a singer in a country band. So here is the deal. I have zero… let me say it again ZEEEERROOOO technical singing training. Yet I love singing. Singing for me is my heart. It makes me feel alive. It gives me a fire. So trying out for a band and potentially having them say NOOOOO to me is a hugeeeee deal. Yet I love to sing. So as scared as I was I just showed up. I tried. I gave it my all.

So to make a long story short the audition went well…

Good and DISASTROUS!  

Good because they liked my voice and WELL I DIDN’T DIE.

Disastrous because holy shit I struggle harmonizing. Let me just say in my defense (not that this is needed except for my precious heart) I only had 24 hours to learn 3 songs AND I have never tried out for a band or sang with a band or done anything like this ever before…

Harmonizing with three instruments and another voice is well WICKED HARD FOR ME.

So well I learned that. I also will be promptly learning how to harmonize… (if any of you out there have tips or can help me please post in my comments!!!)

I also learned that I can and will do anything in this lifetime. I am going to so hardcore go after my dreams. I am going to feverishly do the things I am called to do. This to me is life. Being present and answering the damn call every single time you hear it.

Woooo that felt good to all share…

OH and lastly I heard today that my ex-husband is engaged. Can’t say I’m surprised just didn’t expect it. Especially because because the thought of marriage seems so far off to me. My only prayer for him is that he is happy, like not surface happy, but deep down in his soul happy.

Man this is a wild week. 

Moving

Auditioning

My ex-husband is getting married

Shit… is all I can really say.

So much is happening. So much to process. Sooooo much goodness. So much change.

Here we go… Denver this is going to be a wild ride.

Cheers <3 <3

Kimberly
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This does not mean everything is wrong…

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14 hours in my car, just me and road, and I finally saw the skyline of maybe my favorite American city, Denver. It is 5:00pm and I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic watching the sunset over the mountains that line the city. Curiously, watching all the other drivers. Some of them, I can tell, are just as enamored as I am with the sun setting. Others are talking or texting on their phones. While others have a look and feel of exhaustion from a long day of work or play. I spend moments imagining their moves on ski’s as they blow down mountains covered in new powder or the others who sit behind a computer and type away all day, similar to how I am now.

Wondering what excites them, if they love living here, and what their deepest desires are.

Finally I reached my destination and my car turned off sighing with the same vigor I did grateful we made it. My first stop in the city is my favorite dive bar. A bullet bourbon neat is my first date to settle in and celebrate being exactly where I want to be.

I walked in and my favorite bartender was there. He sees me and I see him and both of our faces went from autopilot to connection and love.

I sat. He brought me a whiskey remembering exactly what I drink. We did some small talk. Then I sat. Silent. Just being. Watching the city lights flash outside the bar doors. Enjoying the dim lighting and the strangers that come and go.

This was also the predetermined meeting spot of my friend Jackie who I was meeting in the city. She arrived and then another beautiful friend of ours arrived and we all sat. As we sat my exhaustion began to hit.  It was the altitude, 14 hours of driving, and the whiskey all at once. I quickly bolted because I knew I had to go to bed. I walked all the way back to my Air BnB and entered the dream realm. Sacking out until morning. Waking up refreshed but also feeling weird.

I felt weird because I couldn’t be social and I had to leave.  I felt weird because usually I am the life of the party and love being around people and I just reached a point where I couldn’t do it. I also am a people pleaser. Which translates into worrying about what people think about me and wanting to act in ways that ensures people will still like me or see the value of me.

Thoughts began to circulate.

‘Oh man am I not supposed to be here?’

‘Is this how the entire trip is going to be?’

‘Is this all wrong?’

I recognized I was going down the rabbit hole…

Then I paused. I breathed. Then I sat. I sat in how I was feeling. Waiting for clarity.

Then it hit me. When one thing doesn’t go how you want it to go it does not mean everything else is going to go that way. One thing does not equate everything. 

YES, I thought. Just because I had a weird moment it does not mean that everything is going to be weird or bad. It just means I felt weird. It just means I had to go to bed. It does not mean anything else. I am not the thoughts that are trying to sabotage the rest of my trip. I am not the thoughts that are trying to make me believe that the rest of my trip is going to be just as weird as my first night.

I could let these thoughts color and create the rest of my experience here.  And I deeply believe this is how many people create a reality of suffering. They let one thing color everything. One thing begins to go ‘wrong’ and then they believe and live in the reality that everything else is going wrong or is going to go wrong.

Do you ever find yourself doing this? Allowing one thing in your life color everything else in your life?

In these moments can you remember all of the good that is also in your life? All of the things that are working or that you love?

When I paused I got clear about what my true reality was: I am in a city I love, I am with one my best friends, and I have a whole week to do whatever I want.

Am I really going to let one night of being exhausted destroy this trip? Hell no. 

We can’t always control the things that happen in our lives, aka, my exhaustion. What we can control is how we react to them. What we can control is how we allow situations to affect us. What we can control is how we move forward.

The next time something happens in your life that isn’t ideal and you notice that you are letting it turn your whole day or worse your whole life into the shits, pause, ask yourself what are the things that are amazing in my life? What about today is not shitty? How can I shift and move on just as the situations, thoughts, and feelings do in my life?

Now it is your turn. I want to hear from you! Where do you do this in your life? What did this blog bring up for you? Please share all your thoughts below in the comments and also if you are so called share these words with anyone you believe could use them.

From the mile high city,

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The time you get locked out of your cabin in a snow storm…

The weather here is quite unpredictable. It is part of what I love about this place and also part of the fear of being so secluded in nature.

The other day I left my house to go get some groceries and came back to be completely locked out of my cabin. Not only was I locked out of my cabin but my plastic bag of groceries broke and the contents where spread in the snow outside my cabin door. The reason my cabin was locked was because I am living in seasonal living so the resort has permission to do random cabin checks to make sure the tenants are not destroying the place. Well because I am in the middle of no where I usually do not lock my cabin. When I left to run errands I left my keys on the table as well and returned to a completely airtight cabin with me on the outside wondering what I was going to do.

Let me also explain the weather conditions. Snowing substantially (why I went to get groceries) and in the negative digits as far as temperature.  Also it was after 6pm which means it was dark out. Not the most ideal circumstances to be locked out of my house.

After dropping an entire bag of groceries, realizing I am locked out of my house, and saying a curse word or two…  It hit me. This is life. All that living is, is simply learning to dance with what life presents at any given moment. All that we have control over in this life is ourselves. What we do. How we act. How we interact with others. How we view the world. How we play with outside forces.  Since this is all we can control, it leaves a lot of things out of our control. When we are aware of this we have choice… choice with how to interact with what others and life present to us.

Like obviously it would have been nice to arrive at my cabin and be able to open the door, I left unlocked, with a hand full of groceries and sit in the warmth of my cabin and munch on some of the yummy food I just bought. Yet that is not what happened.

What happened is life presented an obstacle and challenge to me and I got to choose how I handled it and what it meant for my life.

What happened next was beautiful. I popped on my phone (thank you technology).  Looked up the resort website. Called the number on their homepage. Was presented with a voicemail with an emergency number. Called the number and within 15 minutes a man showed up with a  spare key to my cabin. Not only was my crisis averted but I got the opportunity to meet someone new and make a connection and give someone gratitude for helping me. I got to look someone in the eye with love in my heart and thank him. We had a laugh about the situation and a moment of connecting as two humans in the world. Also out of this I had a moment of realizing I can always handle anything. Every time I get to practice handling situations on my own in the world I feel more confident and strong and capable.  As I get more confident in my abilities to dance with what life presents the more I realize that literally anything is possible for me because I will never be in any situation that I can’t handle. Sure this is a minor challenge but major challenges are the same. You take it moment by moment and you simply do what you need to do.

Once I saw a woman drive into a building. She had fallen asleep at the wheel. Her car literally sped quickly across the median in front of mine and rammed into a building. In this moment I did the same thing. Breathed. Took it moment by moment. Went to the car, asked her if she was okay. Called 911. Waited. Talked to her while ambulance arrived to let her know she was going to be okay.

We have a choice to dance, play, and see the opportunities in life or we have the choice to resist, fight back, and see everything as an obstacle to getting you where you want to be.

I mean I could have cursed at the man arriving at my cabin for locking me out of my own house. I could have be short and frustrated and let it ruin my night. I could have had the thought why me? I could have had the thought why is the world against me?

Yet this way of being doesn’t serve me, others, or the world. How you are and how you show up makes a ripple in the world. If I would have been rude or short with the man that came to help, he might have went home frustrated and might have been short with his children or wife, which then ripples to them… and so on and so on. You see the point. How you show up makes a real difference.

Here is a video I would love to share that is such a beautiful example of people seeing opportunity in life. Making the best out of the challenges, struggles, and obstacles in life.

 

They have challenges and obstacles that are presented to them daily and they have discovered the power of dancing instead of fighting. If you are having challenges and struggles in your life it means NOTHING more than you are ALIVE! It is part of life. The alternative is being dead.

The next time you experience something that does not feel ideal or something that is challenging or a struggle ask yourself

How can I dance with this? What is the opportunity here? 

Everything could be either an opportunity or an obstacle… it is your choice.

This isn’t something we master the first time we put it into practice. This is a practice. Seeing life as an opportunity is something that might take time. Be patient with yourself and compassionate with yourself when you react and respond to life with resistance. It is okay, we all do at times. It is about being aware and then practicing how you actually want to show up and be in the world.

Also a huge thank you to the amazing man who inspired me to write this post. You know who you are. I am so grateful for you in my life. Truly you are so special to me.

I would love to hear your thoughts and anything that comes up for you around this! Please share them below in the comments box. Also if these words inspire you please share them with others.

Sending you love and light on your journey.

Kimberly

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The pictures say it all…

I spent the last few days traveling from Colorado to Utah and have been in Utah spending time with one of my dear friends, Emily, and her family and exploring Utah!

It has been such an amazing few days. The West has a part of my heart and always will. These pictures might give you a good idea why… enjoy!

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Blue Mesa Lake // Colorado

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Salida, Colorado // Bike Trail

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Publik Coffee Roasters // Park City, Utah

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Hiking with my lovely friend, Emily

Park City, UT

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Immigration Canyon // Utah

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Sunset // Utah

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Hike and Aspens // Utah

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Aspens // Utah

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Wyatt // Utah

xoxo,

KJ

My favorite place to cry…

Is in a bear claw tube.

Yesterday was an emotional day for me. Maybe it was because I spent the day being active. I did a 20 mile bike ride through the back country of Salida and then I hiked up the iconic S Mountain which gives an amazing view of the entire city of Salida and the most condensed 14ers in Colorado. Here are some pictures.

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The view of the Arkansas River in Salida, CO

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View from S Mountain

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View from my bike ride on the roads less traveled.

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After I biked and hiked I went and grabbed a beer with a friend I met. After the beer I walked home and then all the emotions hit me. In other words I started to feel like I was going to cry. The room I am staying in, in this bed and breakfast, has a bear claw tube…so you guessed it, I filled it up, made it all bubbly and then I laid there and cried. I let it all out too… the crying that when you are done you are done because there are literally no tears left in your entire body! I want every experience I have to be one that is serving my highest self, my most honored and loved self. Even when I cry. There is no shame in crying… In fact it is a physical and emotional release. It is a letting go process and it then creates more open space for you to take in more good in your life and create whatever your heart desires!

Here are some more of my favorite things:

Eatting the same meal over and over and over again. Meal of choice ‘hash’… take your favorite veggies and throw them in a pan with some coconut oil and just let them cook… add your favorite meat or eggs and then top it with salsa and cottage cheese!

Sitting in coffee shops for hours while drinking  way too much coffee.

Writing poetry about things I see people do, the simple things, that most of us do without even thinking about.

To fall in love with people. Both romantically and platonically.

Kissing, I love kissing.

To receive a text message from someone I love. I also love to text message bomb… sending text messages to all the people I adore!

To spend most of my money on self-care… sometimes massage, therapy, intuitive healers, psychics. It is one of my favorite things to do.

Bike or walk over driving any day.

Talking to complete strangers.

Talking to myself. I love when I am doing this and I crack myself up and start laughing at completely inappropriate times…

Listening to the same music over and over and over again until I literally can’t take it anymore. Exceptions: Incubus and Iron and Wine — I could listen to them forever.

Hugging. I have a reputation for hugging people too long… Sorry/not sorry!!

If I am feeling nervous or upset I love to sing. Sing my heart out. It makes me feel grounded. It makes me feel powerful. It makes me feel sexy. It makes me feel…

When my feet are black… to me this is a sign I am playing and adventuring just the right amount! Black feet are my sweet spot!

Having half of my bed covered in books and journals. I sleep this way. I had someone who studies feng shui tell me that this is showing the Universe I am not ready for a partner to sleep in my bed… I think it is telling the Universe that some of the most loyal lovers are books and my writings.

Falling asleep with all of my clothes on.

I love acknowledging the things I love about life and about myself. These are the things that make me unique and make me who I am. It is a practice that I have been doing for quite sometime now. I want to be more myself and the way I started doing that was by noticing the things I loved, each day, every moment. Also noticing the things that are not my favorite, an example driving in a big city. I would rather spend the extra money and take a cab or an uber.

What are your favorite things about life and about yourself? Please share them below. Feel free to list them like I did!

Let us together celebrate life. Celebrate ourselves. Celebrate every single moment of this magical existence… what is happening right now will never happen the same exact way again…making this moment perfect, unique and majestic!

xoxo,
Kimberly

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Are you a yes person?

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Poetry Night – Mercury Cafe – Denver, CO

I have always been a yes person. Through and through. If I am asked to do something and it sounds even somewhat appealing I will usually say yes. This might sound great, but it has a tendency to get me into trouble. Not because saying yes is a bad thing but because I would say yes to everything and because I am human and get exhausted or forget things I would end up having to cancel last minute or I just wouldn’t show up. I am not using being human as an excuse… I am right now, taking full responsibility for my actions.

There have been many times when I have been called a ‘flake’ and people get mad when you don’t have integrity to your word. Which leaves me always feeling a little powerless. Plus, people really take it personally if you don’t show up somewhere they invited you or if you say yes and cancel. Even though I don’t operate this way, I appreciate people who do. This got me thinking as I began to embark upon a new adventure. How can I learn to say yes to things I really want to say yes to but then say no or maybe to the rest.

No or maybe allow for space to change your mind more acceptably. If you tell a friend you aren’t going to be somewhere and then you change your mind to go they are always stoked and excited. It is interesting that when you cancel or change your mind the opposite way it isn’t as accepted and the outcome has the potential to be less than positive.  I realized through exploring this pattern in myself that I usually say yes, not because I always want to go but because I am 1. an excitable person and I really do enjoy doing most things but 2. I also don’t want people to not like me. I want everyone to like me and everyone loves a yes person, until they have to change their minds.

When I pulled away from Arkansas, I gave myself full permission to experiment with my life in every way possible. Experiment with saying yes to things I usually wouldn’t say yes to or saying no to things that I might usually say yes to.

Experimentation Life Project is going swimmingly!!  I have only canceled on one person and it was for a legitimate reason, my apartment had some flooding that I had to take care of.

I have said no to things that don’t work for me. I was at a friends house and it was getting late and they offered me a place to sleep. I was so tired that I wanted to take it, but I knew I wouldn’t sleep well there and I had a long day of work the next day so I said NO, thank you and I got up and made my way home. Saying no empowered me to take control over my life and how I feel.

I also went to visit a friend in a different city in Colorado. We had a great day exploring and then all the sudden I hit a wall and needed to leave. My friend had just begun dinner and usually I would have just stayed and not listened to my body. But not listening to what I need is no longer an option. I sweetly said my goodbyes and drove back to Denver.

I also have been saying YES to things that take me out of my comfort zone!  I said yes to meeting up with a new friend for a drink one evening and he knew very little about me. He knew I was a writer. He knew that I didn’t know much about Denver. After we had a drink, he looked at his watch and said so there is this cafe that has poetry readings on Friday nights at 10pm, you want to go?

I looked at him and said YES! I had never read my poetry out loud to a crowd before. I have shared my poetry and allowed others to read it…but never have I stood in front of a room of strangers and poured my heart to them…well until last Friday.

The picture above pretty much explains the whole thing. Saying YES to my life in each moment has set me on fire. It has given me confidence, trust, and so much joy! I left Mercury Cafe in Denver more on fire to write than ever. I left Mercury Cafe in love with my life. In love with my courage. In love with myself.

From now on I am saying YES to life. Yes to the things that stretch me. Yes to the things that help me grow and evolve and inspire me!! YES YES YES, Universe I am here. I am saying YES. My promise is that when the next step is revealed I will leap forward. I will trust you. I am open. I am ready.

I am going to take a moment and sit in silence and allow the goodness to wash over me. Life is so good.

Pause for a minute and let what is good in your life wash over you…feel it? Doesn’t it feel amazing to acknowledge the good!

My promise is to also honor what I need in each moment and to say no to all things that don’t serve me or that I am not 100% sure I want to take on.

Learning to say yes and no is learning how to operate differently in the world. Learning how to operate inside of boundaries that work for you and your life. It is saying yes to you. This is what will give us energy to put our all into things that set us on fire. This is what will keep us in alignment with our integrity and what we value. This is such a powerful thing to learn.

Also I give you full permission to play, explore, and experiment in your life too. It is pretty freakin’ rad!!!

I would love to hear what is coming up for you!

Love from Denver,

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What dreams may come…

Living in Denver has been a TRIP… In fact if any of you readers are tempted to move here, you might have a built in roommate (me)!! You lucky duck!

I decided in October to leap into my dreams and move to Denver because it marked the one year of my divorce finalizing. I officially have been divorced a year and have been without a partner for almost two  years. Before I got married, I had maybe spent a total of two years alone. I was always in some sort of relationship. Always codependent on someone else. Always looking for my truth and worth in the eyes of another. Always looking for approval. Always hoping that I would be the gem in someone else’s eye.

Well let me tell a little of what has happened here in the beautiful mile high city, in a short three weeks:

I forced my way into the lives of a group of amazing humans. I was once told by a friend that if you want someone to be your friend, make them your friend. So that is exactly what I did. One night, a friend and I, knocked on the door of a house that we had been eyeing. Once the door opened I knew that my life would be changed. This group of humans only do what they want and they make money don’t it. Sound familiar? It is kind of exactly what I am looking to do… They are brilliant. They are creative. They think outside the box. They have become my friends, colleagues, and inspirations. They have given me the wind I needed when I wasn’t sure if I could get off the ground on my own. They have given me full permission to go after what I want and NEVER LOOK BACK. Thank you Pennsylvanian Hot House!

I asked the Universe for a mentor and it gave me one. This person is completely different than me.  They offer me a whole entirely new skill set. They offer me a sounding board and truth. In fact, my heart is telling me that this is the game changer I have been seeking.

I got to spend an entire week with part of my soul, a desert sister, that has been a rock in my life since 2007! She came to Denver and let’s just say we left this town a little different than we found it. Oh the shenanigans!!

I have met woman upon woman who have spoken to my soul. Who live life differently. Who want to play big. Who are seeking. Goodness my heart is overflowing from every interaction I have been blessed to have with all of you! Thank you for being exactly who you are!

I have gotten the opportunity to miss all of the humans that I have and LOVE in my life. To miss someone is such a unique experience. It is so fun to put time, effort, thought into staying connected. Picture texts, phone calls, energetic exchanges…

I have written some of my most beautiful pieces of work. I am growing as a writer and learning how I write and what works for me. I am learning what inspires me when I write. Which comes so much from people. The mundane things in life. Watching  people live. Watching people interact. Watching people love. Being the observer of people and allowing it to fill me and inspire me has changed my entire life. Thanks people for being people! It is truly profound to be human and to walk this Earth. It takes courage. I honor all of you for doing it. And I thank you for sharing it with me, even if in the smallest specks of time and knowing we never see each other again. This is what life is about and the fact that I get to capture it in words is a gift.

My career has come to life. My belief and trust in my work has solidified. My passion is constantly increasing like a beam of light and everyday I see it has reached a little further and has rooted itself a little deeper into my soul. It is beginning to be difficult to distinguish the difference between my life and my work.

This one is the knocker…

Last night as I was lying in bed something happened… I had the thought…

“I can’t imagine anyone being in this bed with me.”

Then my thought process looked something like this…

Shit.

I like being alone?

I like being alone!

Yes, I really like being alone!!

I like who I am. I like being around myself. In this moment I realized I am becoming the gem of my own eye.

Then I rolled over and fell into a deep, restful sleep and had the first dream I have remembered in a long time. I dreamed I was in a beautiful relationship and I was happy.

The smile I fell asleep with hasn’t left my face.

I am beginning to believe I have it in me to love another deeply again. To open up. To trust.

This is such a relief to me. I knew I would eventually have to come full circle and begin to open again… but I was seriously worrying because every time I would think about being in a relationship or see a couple I would get nauseated… I wish I was joking. Two years in a constant state of nausea. I was wondering if it was serious…

Today I feel different. Like I’ve turned a leaf. Maybe the changing of seasons has something to do with it. Or maybe in falling in love with myself and being dedicated to go after what I want has given me space to heal and love again.

All that I do know is that the path revealed itself to me and I said YES! Each day is a new adventure that I am embracing. Each day I take one more step forward. Today I am at peace. I am free. I am alive. I am so grateful for this life and the opportunity to live it.

More to come…

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Traveling Entrepreneur, my ass…

I have only be in Denver two days and maneuvering through clients, a new place, a new space, time, energy… ahhh everything. It feels intense. It feels exciting. Mostly though, it feels intense.

I am assuming this what a blind person might feel like trying to figure out a new place or situation. I once watched this documentary about a blind man who white water kayaked the Colorado River.

This story now has a whole new meaning to me because I feel as if that is what I am doing. Blindly going about creating my dream life. Not really knowing what I am doing.

The what is, is:

My phone doesn’t work in my new apartment, which is totally fine except this is how I see clients. In a pinch I remembered that since I have wifi I can use my google phone. Thank you google. So grateful for this resource! P.s. it works great!

I feel extremely tired and I am told it is because of the elevation change. I am not sure but shoot I feel exhausted. This gave me an excuse to visit a local coffee hangout Europa Coffee House, which is like 50 feet from my front door. The coffee was great. The men were beautiful. (Everyone should know how boy crazy I am … now feels like the right time to share this truth.) And it had real great energy. People reading. People sharing space with friends. Good music. It reminded me of my local hangout Onyx Coffee Lab in Arkansas. It will be my home away from home!

I got lost walking two blocks yesterday. Literally, I couldn’t understand my phone GPS and I legitimately got lost in two measly blocks. (Ohh if you don’t know this already, I am not directionally competent.) Well not yet at least. I was proud of myself though I didn’t ask anyone for help, I figured it out all on my own. What seems like a small feat sometimes is bigger than you know!

I drank a few brews (Denver Pale Ale) my first night in Denver and woke up feeling not super hot. This was the Thursday I was talking about in my first blog (read it here if you haven’t yet) so as you all know I had a day full of clients and work ahead of me. I didn’t drink that much but once again everyone is saying it is because of elevation change. The word on the street is that you can drink like normal and then you just wake up feeling like you might die because of change in climate and elevation.

I got confused about my time change from central to mountain time and may or maybe have messed up a few client calls. This was an opportunity to be authentic and transparent. This was also an opportunity for me to connect with my clients, reach out, offer them a gift for the mess up, and just really truly be present with them.

All in a 48 hour time span. Pretty solid if you ask me.

For some reason none of that mattered. I am a human that is going to mess up and sometimes I will mess up more than other times. This being one of those times. I also am being kind to myself. I know that during transition things might get crazy, unorganized, confused, messed up, and disorienting. I feel like if I were a DJ right now I would send myself a love song, telling me everything is going to be alright.

In fact… this one goes out to…. well… me

As I follow what sets my heart on fire something else really beautiful is happening, a natural state of compassion. I have the space to be deeply kind and compassionate to myself because I am amazed by what I am doing. I am in awe of my drive to go after what I want. It makes me honor myself in a completely different way. It makes me trust myself.

Plus, learning how to travel and take care of my child, The Revolutionary Living Institute, is going to be a journey. I feel like it is going to take some adjustment, patience, compassion, kindness, and trust that I can always figure it out! Wanting to be a dirtbag entrepreneur is one thing but making it happen is another.

Things are well here in Denver. Cheers to a lovely weekend. I can’t wait to share more about my adventures.

Xoxo,

Kimberly

 

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