Author: kimberlyjohnson (page 3 of 10)

Elves and heart healing…

This is a sensitive subject. One because my own heart is healing. Two because I know that so many others of you out there are also warriors of heart break and ache.

I want to start with defining a word… paradigm. We all, whether we know it or not, live in a paradigm. Let me tell you what I am talking about.

Hold up your index finger. Look at it.

In the paradigm of directions what is direction is your finger pointing right now?

Up, right?!

Ok, what about in the paradigm of numbers?

One.

Now what about in the paradigm of body parts?

Finger.

OK, what to notice is your finger didn’t change. The way you were holding your finger didn’t change. Nothing changed, except the paradigm you were looking at your finger through.

It’s like sunglasses. The sun doesn’t change, but sunglasses change how you see outside.

We all see life through ‘our’ unique paradigm. Our paradigms are created through a ton of things: our past experiences, society, our parents, our heritage, our spiritual beliefs… all of it. Everything that has ever happened to you or you have done or you have gone through up to this very moment has created the paradigm through which you see life and experience life.

Interesting huh?

So let’s go back to the point…

Healing of the heart.

Today I was sitting at my home and had a moment when I knew I had to set a boundary with a man. To me this is a huge part of healing our hearts is learning to protect ourselves. Be the keeper of our hearts. This does not mean closing our hearts instead it is a sheltering or looking after. Your heart is yours. It is yours to keep and protect, no one else’s.

Setting boundaries is also a speaking of truth. Knowing you need to say something and then honoring that knowing. It is an authentic way to be in relationship with others. A house must have a foundation. Boundaries create solid structures to create something between two things.  If there weren’t any walls (boundaries) in a house then anything could come and go as it pleased. You become more susceptible to outside forces.

Setting boundaries is sooo hard for me. First of all, I feel like I am only just now, in my late 20’s, even learning what the word boundaries means. I have heard it my whole life thinking what the hell are you people talking about. Second of all, it brings up massive fear in me. Fear that I will scare people away. Fear that people won’t like me if I have boundaries. Fear that I will rejected. Fear. Fear. Fear.

Yet today in the face of fear I sent the message. Trusting that my truth will set me free even if it is scary.

So after text message was sent this is what happened.  I had a massive body reaction. I got this intense sensation going from my heart down into the pit of my stomach.

I have had this feeling many times before. It is a feeling and sensation that I am far to familiar with. It is a pounding. It is a throbbing. It is deep. It is intense.

The most powerful thing I have found to ease this feeling is meditation so that is exactly what I did I sat… then something truly magical happened. I got this vision:

Cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart.  

Sounds weird right? But let me tell you what my paradigm before this new paradigm hit was.

Old paradigm:

Something happens like setting a boundary, seeing an ex, thinking about an ex, thinking about how I might be alone forever, thinking about how much I have screwed up in life… whatever the THING that happens to create this sensation is happens… and then on comes the feeling. Pounding in my heart and down into my belly. And the second it happens here is where I live. I live as if I have anxiety. I live in a place of deep suffering and pain because of how hurt I have been. I play victim. I feel bad for myself. I begin to get really emotional. I feel sad. I have the thought over and over that love sucks. I feel like numbing myself because I never, ever want to feel this feeling again. I feel like running away and rebelling against love and closing myself off to the world because once again I NEVER, EVER want to be hurt or feel this feeling again.

Let me say this again:

There were cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart. 

The second I saw this vision my paradigm shifted. I began to welcome the feeling in my body. I was resisting it or reacting against it. I realized that the feeling might be something else. It might be a healing. It might be a mending. It might be a courage to stand up for myself. Just like the finger… there have to be other paradigms or other ways to think about this sensation.

The paradigm we view our lives through will 100% create our experiences of living. Every. Single. Time.

I continued to sit for 30 minutes in meditation and let the elves do their work. By the end the sensation had left my body.

Everyday I feel a little bit closer to true healing. To true mending. To truly being able to open my heart again. To trusting again.

Who knew elves did more than just make toys for kids for Christmas?

How could you get curious about a scenario in your life or sensation in your body and play with exploring different ways to look at it? Thinking of ways to view it that empower you. Or maybe bring you joy. Or maybe give you peace. Or maybe move you a little bit closer to what you want in life.

I would looove to hear what came up for you or what happened when you tried the exercise above!! Please share in the comments below and if you are so moved to share these words please do, I am forever grateful!

To fingers and paradigms and elves honestly…

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Letter to late 20 somethings…

These words come from my soul to yours. Some of these words have come to me. Others of them have been spoken to me by people I highly respect and love. I hope you find the same comfort in them that I do. Being in your late 20’s is not always easy. The daunting 30 is hurtling at us. (I personally am so excited to age AND I know that is not how everyone feels.) There are lots of outside pressures. Lots of people having opinions about where you should be and what you should be doing. Including you. Yet as I settle into these years and excitedly and anxiously await turning 30 I feel the need to write a love letter to all of you and myself. I hope something resonates.

Hi lovely,

I don’t, at this exact moment, know where you are or how you are feeling AND I want you to know something.

There is not a damn thing wrong with you. 

If you feel lost, feel like you don’t really know what the hell you are doing. Don’t know what you ‘want to do for the rest of your life’. Haven’t found ‘the one’ to spend the rest of your years with.

Exactly where you are is perfect.

Perfect.

Can you breathe into that… exactly where you are is perfect.

Our twenties are not about having quote un quote our shit together. What does that even mean?  Life is a journey not a final destination. If people tell you they have all their shit together, DO NOT BELIEVE THEM. Our twenties are for changing our minds. Exploring our likes and dislikes. Traveling. Dating.  Asking questions. Being extremely curious. Working different jobs. Trying out different career options.  Making and releasing friends.

Whoever has told you or makes you feel not good enough or lacking or behind because you are where you are, well honestly FORGET THEM and say thank you. They love you and want the best for you. BUT THEY ARE NOT YOU. They have no idea what is good for you. They have no idea what you need. What you like. What makes YOUR heart flutter. They aren’t the one who has to live with you and walk with you daily, only you do that with yourself.

Follow and do the things that give you energy.  That feed your soul. That make you feel more alive. More inspired. More in touch with who you are. More in touch with what you most desire for your life. Release the things that don’t.

Be honest with yourself and others.

Do your best.

Get lost.

Fall in love.

Follow through.

Do what you say you are going to do.

Say no! Say Yes!

Spend time alone. Lots of time alone.

Fall in love with yourself. 

Discover who you are. Ask yourself questions:

Who am I? Am I being authentic?

Who do I want to be?

What do I like? Not like?

What am I searching for?

How do I want to treat others?

Who and what gives me energy?

Who and what drains me?

Who inspires me? Who could mentor me?

What do I fear? Why?

What are my truths?

What do I want to  learn?

Where do I want to go?

What do I want to see?

BE WILDLY CURIOUS.

There are no owner manuals for going through our twenties. In fact there will never be an owners manual for how to do life. That is the exciting and also sometimes the scary part about life.

If you feel aimless and like you are wandering. Good. This means you are seeking.

Keep seeking.

Rumi says it best.

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Keep seeking and you WILL find your way.

YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY.

There is not a DAMN thing wrong with you.

Keep doing you. Keep searching. Keep exploring. Keep looking.

You will find it.

You will find what you are seeking.

It might not be in your ideal timeline. Life does not work on some timeline. Where you are is perfect. KEEP GOING.

The only thing that will stop you in this lifetime is you. Go for it. Whatever you can dream of.

GO FOR IT.

Push the limits.

GO FOR IT.

NO REALLY GO FOR IT.

I love you,

Kimberly

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Love…

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In loving memory of Bowie and in deep dedication to love… this quote has it all.

There have been times when I felt jaded by love. I felt like I was going to be a jaded, resentful woman forever. Never knowing if I would love again. Never knowing if I wanted to truly allow myself to be vulnerable enough to love again. Then I remembered the truth, I am love. Every single thing I do is in the name of love. I walk as love.

Because love is everything… it is not just about celebrating it one day of the year. It is about cultivating it so deep in your bones that your every move, word, and action comes from a place of love.

How today can you consciously choose love and connection with every situation and person you meet? How today can you so brilliantly love yourself? How today can you walk in love, making every step you walk a word or letter as you write your love letter to the world, the planet, and those you encounter?

This takes courage. This takes being bold to walk this way. It comes with the risk of not being loved in return. It comes with the risk of being hurt. AND WHEN it is who you TRULY are the risk begins to go away because you aren’t doing it to be loved back. You are doing it because it is who you are. It seeps out of you. There is no separation between another you and the you the loves. It is all the same.

This is to being bold. This is to walking in a way on this planet that is literally Being The Change You Wish To See. This is to LOVE.

Happy V-Day for those who are celebrating! Happy Galentines day to all my ladies that I love. Happy Malentines day (I just made that up.. hahaha) for the men that I love and cherish! Happy weekend for those who like many don’t really care!

In deep love to all,

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Sex…

For those that care this post might not be PC… (or maybe it is).

This post is specifically for people who have mastered talking about sex. Being a single woman… who has been married. Well let’s just say that abstinence isn’t my go to. I have periods of abstinence (current state–TMI?) and I have periods of the opposite (this also might be TMI).

Also this quote keeps coming to me “you should not be having sex with anyone you aren’t comfortable talking about sex with”. The older I get the more that I sooo believe this. Sex should be something that is openly being talked about with anyone who you are going to have that sort of relationship with.

My issue is that I either 1. don’t attract men that feel comfortable being vulnerable and talking about this sort of thing… or 2. I don’t feel comfortable talking about sex. I am leaning more towards the first because I feel so open but I can’t just blame it on them. I have be open to that it is me. Also I know I am a sexual person and relationships quickly turn sexual on me. I know that I have some shame around sex from my past and also my family background… and HOW IN THE HELL DO TWO MATURE ADULTS TALK ABOUT SEX?

How do you talk about what you want and like?

Positions?

Fantasies?

What they like and want?

How do you have the hard conversations (STD’s etc.)?

How do you wait and not rush the sexual part of a relationship?

How do you stay prepared and safe?

Am I over thinking this? Or does this mean I am maturing?

All input is welcome and soooo desired! Please help me before I become a monk and leave the sexual realm forever (kidding and kind of not kidding!)

Thank you in advance!!!

Also to be transparent this is a conversation I think should be more in the public. It is a conversation that should not be shameful. It is a conversation all humans should be having. Well the one’s having sex.

Xoxo from a single lady trying to figure things out,

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This does not mean everything is wrong…

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14 hours in my car, just me and road, and I finally saw the skyline of maybe my favorite American city, Denver. It is 5:00pm and I was sitting in bumper to bumper traffic watching the sunset over the mountains that line the city. Curiously, watching all the other drivers. Some of them, I can tell, are just as enamored as I am with the sun setting. Others are talking or texting on their phones. While others have a look and feel of exhaustion from a long day of work or play. I spend moments imagining their moves on ski’s as they blow down mountains covered in new powder or the others who sit behind a computer and type away all day, similar to how I am now.

Wondering what excites them, if they love living here, and what their deepest desires are.

Finally I reached my destination and my car turned off sighing with the same vigor I did grateful we made it. My first stop in the city is my favorite dive bar. A bullet bourbon neat is my first date to settle in and celebrate being exactly where I want to be.

I walked in and my favorite bartender was there. He sees me and I see him and both of our faces went from autopilot to connection and love.

I sat. He brought me a whiskey remembering exactly what I drink. We did some small talk. Then I sat. Silent. Just being. Watching the city lights flash outside the bar doors. Enjoying the dim lighting and the strangers that come and go.

This was also the predetermined meeting spot of my friend Jackie who I was meeting in the city. She arrived and then another beautiful friend of ours arrived and we all sat. As we sat my exhaustion began to hit.  It was the altitude, 14 hours of driving, and the whiskey all at once. I quickly bolted because I knew I had to go to bed. I walked all the way back to my Air BnB and entered the dream realm. Sacking out until morning. Waking up refreshed but also feeling weird.

I felt weird because I couldn’t be social and I had to leave.  I felt weird because usually I am the life of the party and love being around people and I just reached a point where I couldn’t do it. I also am a people pleaser. Which translates into worrying about what people think about me and wanting to act in ways that ensures people will still like me or see the value of me.

Thoughts began to circulate.

‘Oh man am I not supposed to be here?’

‘Is this how the entire trip is going to be?’

‘Is this all wrong?’

I recognized I was going down the rabbit hole…

Then I paused. I breathed. Then I sat. I sat in how I was feeling. Waiting for clarity.

Then it hit me. When one thing doesn’t go how you want it to go it does not mean everything else is going to go that way. One thing does not equate everything. 

YES, I thought. Just because I had a weird moment it does not mean that everything is going to be weird or bad. It just means I felt weird. It just means I had to go to bed. It does not mean anything else. I am not the thoughts that are trying to sabotage the rest of my trip. I am not the thoughts that are trying to make me believe that the rest of my trip is going to be just as weird as my first night.

I could let these thoughts color and create the rest of my experience here.  And I deeply believe this is how many people create a reality of suffering. They let one thing color everything. One thing begins to go ‘wrong’ and then they believe and live in the reality that everything else is going wrong or is going to go wrong.

Do you ever find yourself doing this? Allowing one thing in your life color everything else in your life?

In these moments can you remember all of the good that is also in your life? All of the things that are working or that you love?

When I paused I got clear about what my true reality was: I am in a city I love, I am with one my best friends, and I have a whole week to do whatever I want.

Am I really going to let one night of being exhausted destroy this trip? Hell no. 

We can’t always control the things that happen in our lives, aka, my exhaustion. What we can control is how we react to them. What we can control is how we allow situations to affect us. What we can control is how we move forward.

The next time something happens in your life that isn’t ideal and you notice that you are letting it turn your whole day or worse your whole life into the shits, pause, ask yourself what are the things that are amazing in my life? What about today is not shitty? How can I shift and move on just as the situations, thoughts, and feelings do in my life?

Now it is your turn. I want to hear from you! Where do you do this in your life? What did this blog bring up for you? Please share all your thoughts below in the comments and also if you are so called share these words with anyone you believe could use them.

From the mile high city,

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Cinnamon Toothpaste…

I am standing at my sink. Mindlessly doing the same action I do multiple times a day.

Brushing my teeth.

As I stand there pushing back and forth, this thought came in…

You get to brush your teeth with cinnamon flavored toothpaste for the rest of your life.

Literally even saying it again I get giddy. Like I want to scream this at the tops of my lungs….

I GET TO USE CINNAMON FLAVORED TOOTHPASTE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!

This might seem trivial but this is such a big deal to me.

This to me is a deeper level of awakening to who I am, what I like, and having a voice for myself. A deeper level of seeing where I compromise myself and my happiness in life.

So let me explain… EVERY SINGLE partner I have ever had has either hated cinnamon flavored toothpaste or don’t use toothpaste all together and make their own. And I have always just been okay compromising. I’ve always known what I prefer. Yet I have always just gone along with whatever they do or what they want.

I am not disregarding compromising in relationships. To me I am aware this makes up  part of partnership and the combining of two lives. Yet, the truth about me is that brushing my teeth is one of those life tasks that I kind of struggle with. It feels hard for me. I don’t really enjoy it. It always feels like a last thought.

In this moment I realized how much I had been enjoying brushing my teeth lately. I asked myself why has it felt so different? (We learn from contrast.) It is the CINNAMON TOOTHPASTE. For some reason this tiny change has made brushing my teeth a little easier and more enjoyable. This is something I do every single day. It should feel enjoyable. It should not feel like a struggle. Enjoying our daily life tasks should not be as a luxury but a given. It makes up so much of our lives.

Realizing this is nothing more than new information being given to me about how to make my life more enjoyable. Sometimes I believe our only job is to listen and take action on what comes in. Trusting what comes in and honoring it.

This is something I will never compromise again. It is so simply. It is one more way I can be myself in the world.

It is a small victory for me.

Where in your life are you compromising things that bring you joy or make life feel more enjoyable?

If so why? To avoid confrontation. To do what is ‘easier’. To not create waves.

This isn’t about judgment, it is about understanding our patterns and getting to know ourselves.

Also this does not just pertain to intimate relationships. Are you compromising in your career? In friend relationships? In your family relationships?

Where do you know information about your life and yourself that you are not honoring?

I want to hear from you! Please share what is coming up for you as you read this. Anything you are committed to not compromising anymore? Please if you are so called share below in the comments and as always feel free to share these words if you are so inspired to do so!

To these pearly whites,

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You attract into your life who you are…

Let me just start by saying being single this day and age is well… hilarious.Mostly because I feel like a newborn. I genuinely feel most of the time that I have no idea what I am doing. It is also challenging and well TONS OF FUN. Dating for me is an opportunity to get to know and explore people. Get to know what makes them tick. Get to know what makes them excited. Get to know what they struggle with. We date to experience another and in some cases we find compatibility and in other cases we find friendship and in others we find life lessons and growth.

Sometimes I feel excited about dating and other times I feel frustrated and hopeless about it. Yet when I get really quiet and honest the truth is that one day I would love to walk this life beside another badass human.  Working together to be an offering to the world. Allowing our relationship to grow and evolve us into more conscious beings. So if this is my deepest truth then the questions I have been explore (and noticing others exploring) are:

How does you find authentic partnership? 

How do you meet people who align with your life and truest values? 

 How do I fully enjoy being single AND at the same time attract amazing, compatible people into my life? 

I was on the phone with a client the other day and we started exploring all things relationship. Here is what we did. I want to offer that if this conversation is sparking an interest in you this would be a great opportunity to pull out some paper and play and explore with us:

1. Make a list of all of the things in your past relationships that you love and would like to have continue in your next partnership. (Things to note in people you meet.)

2. Make a list of all of the things in your past relationships that did not serve you or that you hope to never repeat. (We learn through contrast.)  Now notice what you desire instead. What are the opposites of what you don’t want. This will give you insight into inquiry #3.

3. Now make a list of your deepest desires for partnership. (This does not just have to be intimate partnership. It could also include friendship, business partnership, family relationships… etc.) And write it out like this:

  • To be respected.
  • To be valued.
  • To share similar values.
  • To be listened to or heard.
  • To be lifted up.
  • To be emotionally understood.
  • To be communicated with effectively.
  • To be accepted fully for who I am.
  • To work through issues.
  • To have honesty and trust.

If you have no idea where to start maybe think about how you want to feel in relationship with another. What actions or ways of being would give you that feeling.

4. Go through your deepest desires and do a ‘swivel’. I call this the Spotlight Effect. It is when we take the focus or spotlight off of others and we put it on ourselves. Shinning the light on you instead of on the other person, allows you to stand in your power. When we have the spotlight on the other person it puts the energy and attention where we have no control. We cannot make someone act a certain way or have certain attributes, even if we try really hard, we can have hope, but ultimately we can’t change people or mold people into who we want them to be.  People are who they are. What we can control is how we show up in our lives, in our relationships, and how we treat ourselves and others. Now that the spotlight is on us let’s look at our deepest desires above and let’s get curious and play. Let me show you.

If your deepest desire is To Be Respected: Then the new inquiries could be:

  • How and where in my life am I not respecting myself? Where in my life do I show lots of respect for myself?

If your deepest desire is To Be Valued: Then the new inquiries could be:

  • How and where am I not valuing myself? Where and how do I value myself?

If your deepest desire is To Be Listened To or Heard: Then the new inquiries could be:

  • When do I not listen to myself, my needs, my intuition, my gut? Where do I listen to and trust myself?

If your deepest desire is To Be Accepted: Then the new inquiries could be:

  • How do I not accept myself fully? What parts of myself do I fully accept and love?

If your deepest desire is To Have Honesty and Trust: Then the new inquiries could be:

  • When and where in my life am I not being 100% honest? Where in life am I courageously honest to myself and others? Where in my life do I not trust myself? Where in my life do I trust myself?

You get the point…

5. Answer the above questions or your version as honest as possible. This is not an excuse to beat yourself up or judge yourself. This is a moment to have complete honesty about how you are showing up for yourself and where you are not fully showing up for yourself. Let’s pretend for just a second that we attract what we are. If this is true and spend a lot of our time speaking negatively to ourselves or being hard on ourselves then it makes sense that we would attract someone who does the same to us. Or if we do not fully value who we are in the world then we might be attracting people that don’t see our value.

This exercise is applicable to any area of your life. I am specifically using it in the realm of relationships because that is where I am and and where so many people in my life are but play with it wherever you are. Asking yourself high level questions and being honest about the answers is one of the most powerful tools that you can ever practice in your lifetime. You have the answers inside of you. Only you know what you need, want, and truly desire.

Partnership is not to complete us. Partnership is to enhance our journey here. Answering the questions above is to give you information so that you can show up fully for yourself and your life. Not needing another to save you or make your life better, but giving you the information and tools to do those things for yourself. This takes the pressure off partnership. Makes it more playful and enjoyable. Makes it more genuine and possible to thrive. When you are thriving your partnerships can thrive. When you love yourself and your life I believe then you can truly love another. It starts with you. Always!

Ok it is your turn!! I want to hear from you! What came up for you? Share below in the comments below the blog. Also if you feel called to share these words please do!

Here is self inquiry and trusting the journey and attracting beautiful humans into our lives!

Xo

Kimberly

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Follow what excites you…

An angel spoke these words to me yesterday —

If you follow what truly excites you then nothing can ever go wrong.

I sooo believe in this. What excites us in life BRINGS US TO LIFE. It ups our energetic game in our lives and in the world. This is where magic begins to happen. This is why he said that when we do this that nothing can ever go wrong.

This does not mean that life does not present you with obstacles or challenges. I am not romantically saying that ‘nothing in life goes wrong‘ but what I am saying is when you are following what excites you in life then when a challenge or obstacle comes up you can move through it with a deeper sense of ease. Challenges don’t feel so huge or life altering. You can see them for what they truly are, move through them, and continue living and doing the things that excite you and bring you to life.

So if following what excites you brings an aliveness and ease to life then how in the hell do you do it?

Well, let’s play and explore.

Take out a piece of paper and pen and let’s dive in…

What, right now in life, excites you? 

Other words for excite: lights you up, sets you on fire, makes your feel energized, inspired…

For me:

Dancing
Writing
Playing Music
Reading Mind Stimulating Books
Studying people that I admire and look up to in the world (reading their books and autobiographies)
Asking people questions, hearing different perspectives
Meditating
Being around people who inspire and push me to be better in the world
Creating — right now it is writing and podcasting (if you didn’t read my last blog… One Year Alone is coming to life via podcasting March 1st, more to come!)

Next, what do you dream about doing or have you done before that excites you? 

For me:

Travel, Travel, Travel (planning trips both local and international)
Painting
Baking
Collaborations with inspiring people
Writing poetry about people I don’t know

Next, think about why these things excite you or what they offer you on a deeper level. What feelings do they create in you?

Beside each thing you wrote dig a little deeper. Explore the why’s. Knowing why you do things or want to do things gives you beautiful insight into who you are and how to continue creating your dream life.

Like me, dancing makes me feel alive, vibrant, light hearted, and silly. These are feelings I value feeling and energetically putting into the world.

We do what we do because it makes us feel a certain way.  When we are living our best life we inspire others to do the same. This is the best way to raise the vibration and consciousness on the planet. Live your best life and watch the world change. 

Lastly make it real. Take out your calendar and look at the next 4 weeks. Putting things into your schedule makes them real. Be honest with your current schedule and life and see how you can add into your schedule and life the things that excite you and make you feel amazing. This might also mean saying no to things that don’t excite you. I wrote an entire blog about saying no, read it here.

Last week, I did this exact thing, I looked at my schedule and all of the things I was giving my time to and I did a huge clean up. I either stopped doing or have committed to phase out anything in my schedule or life that is not serving my highest good and/or truly excites me. Then I added intentionally the things that truly excite me. So what that looks like for me is now on Wednesday and Saturdays I am attending a dance class that literally sets me on FIRRRREEEEEE.  My soul is lifted and I can’t get the smile off my face for hours. I leave feeling ALIVE. Be gentle with yourself during this process. It might take longer to phase some things out. Tell the truth and be gentle.

So we aren’t just putting things into our calendars to just add one more thing for us to do or to just look at. For the next four weeks play with what it feels like to FOLLOW THROUGH. Go to the dance class. Have coffee with that friend. Sit and write that book. One of the themes of 2016 is FOLLOWING THROUGH, FOLLOWING THROUGH, FOLLOWING THROUGH. It is the special sauce. It is what will make a difference. There is no secret to following through. You just have to practice following through. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Give yourself permission to practice having integrity to your word without excuses. Just practice. Everything in life takes practice including following through. Trust me I am constantly practicing this one myself.

Ok now it is your turn!! I want to hear from you. What excites you? What are you adding to your schedules? What are you removing from your calendars? Share it below in the comments.

Also like always if you feel inspired to share these words pllllease do!!!

To chasing what brings us to life,

Kimberly

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2016 Baby…

Well first and foremost Happy New Years! An acquaintance of my mine shared these wise words that I am now going to share with you:

“2016… a graceful turn inward to radical self-love and self-care – a chance to love my own spirit so fiercely that I can blossom into a more loving being for those who need me. I set fire to that which no longer serves me, sending it to the ethers, thanking it for the numerous lessons…setting forth on a new journey to further decolonize, wisen up, more sharply attune myself to Gaia* – to accept myself as a teacher when the space calls for it, and a student when I am to grow from the wisdom of others.”

Meg Houston is an herbalist, magic maker, and storyteller. She is an amazing powerhouse in the world. She resides in Austin, TX.

Second my thoughts about this year and what are to come are this…

A Poem By Axiom.Attic

this is not
your heart
breaking
my darling,
this is your
heart hatching,
shedding the shell
of who you
once were,
this is
your rebirth.

All I have to say yesssss. 2015 felt like a death to me. The death of a  version of me that I literally can barely recognize now. A version that is dependent on others for value and worth. A version that is searching for love no matter how painful or to what level of suffering that love is. A version of me that feels stifled and is willing to drink copious amounts of whiskey until that feeling goes away. A version that served me then and does not serve me now…

The night of New Years I made a big promise to myself. The promise was that NO MORE would I stand in my own way. No more not being fully expressed in the world. No more reaching for love in all the wrong places. No more doing things that I don’t want to do just to please others. NO MORE.

This is my promise:

To everyday walk on this Earth fully Kimberly. Fully quirky. Fully expressed. To value myself, my gifts, and my health in bolddddd ways.  To walk fully in my creativity. Fully vulnerable and authentic. Fully open hearted. Fully in search of the light and love in each person and situation. Fully honest about my struggle. To be fully honest and integral with my words and actions. Fully in service to all I come across and all of those I love. To be fully alive and present in each moment. To follow through on my dreams and watch myself blossom, change, and evolve. To allow the challenges of the years prior to be lessons to learn from and challenges that I face this year to be molding moments to become the most vibrant version of myself. Boom.

To me if I walk in this way then 2016 will only be successful.

This is what I want to put into the world to be held fully accountable for…

  1. Bringing One Year Alone to the Podcasting world. (More to be revealed… Launching March 1st)
  2. Posting weekly blogs here for all. Consistency. Consistency. Consistency.
  3. Loving myself so fiercely in comes out in every word I speak and write.
  4. To be honest and integral with my word. If I say it, you can trust it will happen!!
  5. To keep it weird and real. My only resolution for 2016 is to be more myself and to love myself fiercely. What this means is no holding back. You guys are in for a treat… the real deal Kimberly (just writing this is hilarious to me and slightly terrifying).

 

Here goes nothing. If you champagne pop the cork. Cheers to the best year of our lives. Cheers to no more holding back. Cheers to following through and trusting the process. Cheers to you and cheers to me…

Can I hear a Hell yes…

Kimberly

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Do you struggle with giving?

I was sitting with my Buddhist Monk friend, Geshe, yesterday and I told him

I am stingy.

How do I become more giving?

Let me start by saying that I am giving. I want to own that I love to give but only of very certain things: my time, words of encouragement, love, and acts of service.

I was recently at a dear friends house who was moving and I asked her what I could for her, she said in a quiet voice would you mind washing my baseboards. Of course I said and was elated to be able to do something to help her.

Yet there are some areas of life where I am not giving: money or my material things. I tend to grasp and hold tightly onto my money and my things.

When I brought this up with Geshe he said many profound things and here are a few I want to pass along:

  1. The desire to be stingy is based in fear, fear that there isn’t enough.
  2. He said, Kimberly the only reason you are stingy with money and material things is because you have forgotten that all money and things are not actually yours they are the Worlds and the Universe’s. They are part of the collective of everything that exists. 
  3. He also said true giving has no expectations attached to it. True giving is just that. It is giving without expecting anything in return. It is trusting that when you give that it will come back to you. It might not come back to you in the same form but understand and believing that it will indeed come back.
  4. He also made a profound distinction for me. Giving is not about what you do. Generosity is a state of being. It is a way of living. It is who you are. When generosity becomes your truest nature then everything you do, you do in a generous way. It isn’t like you are generous one moment and then not the next. It is the way you breath, walk, and do everything.

I took what he said and I sat with it last night. I also am reading a book called Self-Observation by Red Hawk and in it, it states “the act of self observation is the only change a human being needs to make in her behavior, everything else, all fundamental changes in behavior, emotion, and thinking arise as a by-product of this practice”. (9)

Combining all of this new information I have concluded this:

In order to become more generous I must just become aware and observe my current relationship with giving. Notice the moments when I want to be stingy or I am living in fear. Simply notice. Notice time and time and time again. Notice the patterns and then watch them break down overtime.

They say it takes 10,000 hours to become a master of something. I believe this to be no different. It might 10,000 times to see a pattern before it breaks or before you can guess that it is coming before it actually comes and to be able to in those moments change direction, path, or behavior. It is in the continual observation without judgment that it becomes possible to do something different. 

This brings up another huge thing for me and it is around judgment. When we simple observe and don’t judge ourselves then we stop destroying ourselves, our hearts, our souls, and our confidence. We just see what is happening and allow it to be which gives it space to evolve, grow, and shift or change.

I also believe that to become generous it takes simply asking yourself in moments of awareness if I were walking my life in generosity what would it look like?

And in those moments if it feels right  to play with shifting into what my vision is and trying something new. Experimenting with how I am. In those moments practice giving without expectations. Practice walking in generosity. Notice and practice.

Notice and practice.

Now it is your turn to share! I want to hear from you.

In what ways do you notice you struggle with giving? Or in what ways do you love to give and how does giving make you feel?

Please share below and also if you are so called share these words with anyone you think could gain something from them!

In deep gratitude,

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