One of my dearest and nearest friends this morning, who recently lost a close family member, shared with me that I had made her feel wrong for being so emotional during her grieving process. She felt this way because of some of the ways I would discuss and process my spiritual journey in her presence.
At first I noticed how much I wanted to take this personally and say something like “but you just don’t understand me… because I would never make you feel that way on purpose…”
Yet reaction is not at all what I am committed to with her or anyone. Also reaction is not my truth. In fact to react would be to continue the cycle of what has already happened. Creating disconnect and pain for both her and me. So instead I paused, took a breath, and asked her to elaborate and share with me the depths of her experience. I dug deeper. I wanted to understand the relationship between what I had said and what it had created in another.
I deeply believe that healing and truth are consistent. What I mean by this is that when we are truly being of truth or healing it cannot be misunderstood by anyone. It is understood by all because it is true and real. If someone is offering you love, like true love, this offering is not misunderstood. You feel it. You experience it. You understand that it is love being offered.
I sat with what my friend vulnerably shared about her experience with me. I sat in gratitude for this information and also love and light for her and her journey. I apologized to her. I thanked her. And I shared with her how much I love her.
What I realized from my sitting is that spirituality isn’t intellectual. In fact I am not sure it can ever fully be understood intellectually.
As I read and devote myself to study I can’t help but want to analyze and over analyze and try to understand what it is that I am reading and experiencing. Yet at times I know I swing too far. I become focused on what I am reading and not how I am being.
Spirituality has nothing to do with the words you know, books you’ve studied, or the dogma you believe in. Not to say we, as students, don’t need to read and study and understand as much as we can about our spiritual beliefs. This too, is a part of the path to true understanding. Yet you can understand the dogma and say all the ‘right’ words and intellectualize every aspect of spirituality without spreading and extending the truth. Without allowing the truth to penetrate you and alter every aspect of your life. Without “walking your talk”. You can know something without being it.
Spirituality to me is a way of being. I am so grateful in my friends sharing because I didn’t realize how I was being. I couldn’t see it. It was a blindspot for me. In her sharing I saw the truth.
My only desire is to show up in love. To be a walking example of peace. To give. To accept fully.
It doesn’t matter how much I study or understand intellectually my spirituality. I want my expression of this understand to be one of seeing every human in their truest form. Seeing that what they do, say, look like, have does not define them. I want to love from a place of knowing what I know is true.
Spirituality, at its truest form, isn’t about knowing or having more. It isn’t about trying to describe to someone all that you know or understand. It isn’t about sounding cool or like you know what you are talking about. It isn’t about making others feel that you have something they do not. We are all equals here. No one has more than another.
I love this quote…
“…it is quite evident that a healer doesn’t understand God if he thinks he has something that others lack…”
A Course In Miracles
Every human is a healer. That is our purpose here to heal ourselves and then extend that healing out to others. By healing I simply mean to return to love and truth. To be a light for that in the world. This is our only job. We each do it with our unique special talents and gifts and offerings.
There is no truly profound reason why I want to do this work in the world. It is simply so that I can experience the joy of living. So I can have peace in my day to day life. So that I may know love, like truly know love.
I want to love people so that I may receive and understand love in return.
I want to express peace as I walk through this life so that I may experience that same inner peace.
I want to be a stand for full acceptance so that I may too know I am fully accepted and lack nothing.
We are what we teach. To teach is to be.
If I have ever harmed you with my spiritual talk or my processing of my spiritual journey here I am truly sorry.
Please know that it was never my intention.
My intention has always been to be an example and to show you how perfect you are and how loved you are and that you are LOVE.