Are you susceptible to wounding? + BIG NEWS

(There is big news at the end of this… read at your own discretion <3)

Are you susceptible to wounding?

Truth is we all are. It is part of life.  Yet we try to avoid it. We try to manipulate life or control life so that we won’t get wounded.

I think this is an illusion. There are many things in life we can’t control so when we live in a state of constantly trying to control or avoid what is inevitable we don’t get to experience life in it’s fullness or we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves.

The term that is being used often in my field to describe this is : vulnerability.

Merriam-Webster defines Vulnerability as capability of being physically or emotionally wounded.

I hear this word all of the time. I have read books on this topic. I have watched videos about vulnerability and it wasn’t until yesterday that I truly understood what this word meant for me.

I realized that I avoid vulnerability so much in my life. I feel safe writing here on my blog. I feel safe sharing something with a friend or client to help them on their journey.  Yet I never just am vulnerable to be vulnerable.

My vulnerability is always for the purpose of helping or serving another. BUT WHAT ABOUT HELPING AND SERVING MYSELF?

Yesterday I was in conversation with a man whom I really enjoy. He is attractive. He is kind. He is brilliant. He is fun. And because of the potential to have feelings I all of the sudden noticed that I wanted to shut down. I didn’t want to show my insecurities. I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me. I didn’t want to be vulnerable aka capable of being emotionally wounded. I wanted to literally stop responding, to run, to move on and never look back. The thought in my head was “well that was fun, I will never talk to him again”. I was avoiding vulnerability to keep myself safe.

My story is if I am vulnerable and said person doesn’t reciprocate or doesn’t like it then I will be rejected. My beliefs about not being good enough will be strengthened. My beliefs about never getting what I want will be strengthened. So if I self-protect by shutting down and running then there is no risk for wounding. No risk for being hurt. No risk at all.

But is this true?

Isn’t there a risk in running or shutting down?

The risk of not being seen. The risk of not being known. The risk of not experiencing connection. The risk of not being expressed.

Aren’t those risks just as huge? Just as life changing? Just as scary?

I think I would rather be seen, known, expressed and to feel deep connection than to live into the fear of being hurt or wounded. Plus when I am openly vulnerable I will be heard, seen, and expressed… whereas the fear of being hurt is not actually known. Maybe I won’t be hurt. Fear is something that potentially could happen. It is not in real time or reality.

In fact if feels more wounding to never experience connection. It feels more wounding to not be seen or heard in my life. It feels more wounding to live in fear and not in reality.

So I decided to turn off my cell phone and go on a 6 mile walk. To allow myself to feel uncomfortable. Two hours without my phone and friend in tow I realized THAT INDEED shutting down and running is not what I am committed to. I am committed to openness, to honesty, to vulnerability, and to living boldly.

When I returned to my car I turned my phone on. I took some deep breathes and I shared my fear of vulnerability. I shared my fear of showing someone my insecurities. I shared. I didn’t run. I shared.

The best part is I am completely unsure the man understood what I was getting at. Yet it doesn’t matter. In sharing I became free. In sharing I experienced the magic of being myself and being honest. In sharing I experienced aliveness.

There is an amazing woman, Brene Brown, who speaks to shame and vulnerability. This video is amazing, I would highly recommend watching this.

Now it is your turn to share…

Where do you hide yourself? Where do you notice yourself running? Where do you notice that you keep yourself away from experiencing connection, being seen, or being heard? What do you need to say or to release that feels vulnerable but will bring you vibrancy and aliveness?

I am taking a stand for vulnerability in the world. I am taking a stand for myself. For me vulnerability feels like a entire new level of healing and creating my dream life.

SPEAKING OF MY DREAM LIFFEEEEE…… here is the news I promised.

{I am moving to Denver…}

Like really moving. I have gotten the call that it is time for me to entering into the world in a bigger way. To honor my healing process in a bolder way. To stop running. To open. To be vulnerable. To go after what I really want.

So as of June I will be a resident of Denver, Colorado.

I am committing to two years in Colorado. To allow the Rockies to enter into my soul and heal my heart on a deeper level. To do my business and my life work on a larger scale. To be bold. To go after my biggest dreams without looking back.

It is bitter sweet to leave Arkansas. This is where I grew up. This is where I am known. This is where I have had my roots AND I for the first time ever that I know that it is time. IT IS TIME TO GO BIG OR GO HOME. 

I want to live my life as an example. I want walk my talk. So here I go…

Here is to being bold. To being vulnerable. To being…

photo-40

 

 

 

7 Comments

  1. Janice Howell

    May 9, 2016 at 6:54 pm

    Why Denver ? Why do you think it takes a move to heal your soul? We will Miss you. Love You, do what ever you think you need to do!

  2. I love you and so needed to read this today. This is my biggest struggle. Thank you for sharing your heart.

  3. cheers lady love!!! i will be there in July and i best be getting one of those famous kim hugs! I hope to see you before then, your blanket wants to go to Denver too 🙂 xoxo

  4. Kudos for feeling the power of vulnerability! Glad you are moving to Denver because we can connect there since my son lives there. So…I am happy!!

  5. Where I run & shield my vulnerability is in reaching out, risking a connection, talking to people about what I’m thinking.

    I’ve spent my life fashioning this mind; the implicit question in my evasion is, wouldn’t it be a shame if people didn’t give a shit about what I thought?

    Congratz on chasing the fucking dream, honey, go make waves like you do. I’m certain I’ll follow that way tho I know not when.

  6. Dear Kimberly, I send you nothing but positive thoughts on your new adventure! You’re beautiful soul will allow you to flourish wherever you go. And the surrounding Colorado Rockies are so beautiful in all four seasons. I worked there off and on for several years and that is one part of the country I like to return to regularly. It refreshes my soul. I’ll continue to read this blog. If you start a different one please post the address so I can read.

    • Allen!! Thank you!! I intend to keep this blog! If you find yourself in Colorado or Denver please reach out we could get a glass of wine or coffee! It would amazing!!!

      Thank you for always being such a presence here, it means more than I could ever express to you!

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