Three things might be happening when you find yourself caught up in drama.
The definition of drama via Urban Dictionary (haha) is :
A way of relating to the world in which a person consistently overreacts to or greatly exaggerates the importance of benign events.
Now for the good stuff:
I have found myself the last week caught up in some drama that I honestly have no desire to be in. I found out a few weeks ago my ex-boyfriend was sleeping with someone I knew.
The issue or cause of the drama was not that he was sleeping with someone else it was the anxiety, sadness, and upset it had been causing me.
Finally the drama and the anxiety got to be too much so I knew I had to do something.
So I sat down and began to write out what all the thoughts I was having were and why I was feeling such upset around this situation. My very first thought was “I want him all to myself”. Then my second thought was “If I can’t have him I don’t want anyone else to have him”.
Woahhh I thought… then I knew this is the perfect time to do my work and to ask myself:
Is that true?
My response came quick and from my heart. Hell no that is not true. I do not want him all to myself.
So why does our brain do this, create stories or thoughts that make us feel like shit? THIS IS OUR BRAINS JOB. Our brain has 1 job and it is to obtain information, store it, and repeat it back to us to keep us safe and secure. That is it. This thought “I want him all to myself” was created probably years ago when I first began engaging in dating. I met a guy I liked and knew that if I had him all to myself then I would be safe. No one else could have him. My heart would not be hurt if I had him all to myself. This is called a brain pattern. Our brain creates patterns to keep us safe and secure in life. Yet the problem is that our brain repeats patterns to us, because it is its job, that 1. either no longer serve us or 2. are no longer true for us. So because this is the brains job and it will continue doing its job forever we believe or live on autopilot believing that the pattern the brain is presenting is still true for us. EVEN THOUGH IT IS NO LONGER TRUE.
Until I did this exercise I was having the thought “I want him all to myself” and didn’t even realize that it was driving my anxiety and creating the outward drama. I was living like my 14 year old self trying to protect my heart. Once again this is perfectly normal and what the brain is supposed to do. The problem happens when we aren’t aware of our patterns and we believe them even though they are no longer true.
This creates unnecessary suffering.
After I asked if it was true and got the resounding answer…NO.
Then I asked:
But when you actively believe that thought to be true how do you react?
I get jealous. I get frustrated. I have anxiety. I feel sad. I feel annoyed. I feel angry. I cut people out. I create disconnection. Mostly I am not myself.
Then I asked:
So who would you be without that thought?
I would be loving. I would be kind. I WOULD BE MYSELF. I would be living my life and not thinking about his.
Then I took it a little bit further, I journaled on my new awakenings and truths for a few minutes and this came up …
There are 3 things that will always keep me in drama and keep me feeling how I don’t want to feel in relationship to others:
- When I don’t give myself space to feel my feelings and don’t acknowledge them as important. When I push them down or suppress them. When I think they are silly and I avoid actually sitting with them. Your feelings are worthy of being felt and being moved through. No feeling is silly or bad or wrong. Your feelings are road signs for you and offer information to you. Your feelings will shift and change if you allow yourself to experience them and acknowledge them for what they are.
- When I engage in the drama. When I talk to others about it. When I spend way too much of my time thinking about it. When I react to it. What we focus on grows… When you notice you are doing this, stop engaging. If someone talks to you about what is going on simply say thanks for sharing I am not interested in knowing that information.
- The second I believe that anyone else’s life is my business. What my ex-boyfriend does is none of my business. He is his own free agent. He gets to do whatever he wants. My only business in this life IS MY OWN. My life is my business. How am I showing up. What am I doing in my life. This is all I can control and it is the only thing that is my business. I don’t want him to have a say in my life so why in the hell do I think I should have a say in his? When we spend more time worrying about what another person is doing in their life and less time on what we are doing in our lives we are NO LONGER LIVING OUR LIVES. But there are two people living that person’s life. You are merely sleep walking in your own life.
All in all, break up’s suck. They hurt. They are sad. They make you question everything. Yet they also taught you something and my guess is they taught you something valuable so that your next relationship can be way more compatible and vibrant.
This post is about drama around a relationship I have had and I want to say this information can be used in any relationship that you find has drama or upset. See if you can reframe and investigate what is actually going on within you.
Ask yourself what would I have to be thinking to create these upset feelings? Then go through the two exercise… see if it is true, if you believe it is true how does it make you react and who you would be without the thoughts you are having? Then see if you are allowing yourself to feel your true feelings, if you are engaging in the drama, and if you are making someone else’s life your business.
I give you full permission to live your life full out. Go dance the night away. Have a girlfriends getaway. Spend the next week diligently working on getting clients for your business. Take so many walks in a week your legs are sore! LIVE YOUR LIFE. This is when things begin to heal and shift. This is when you begin to see your joy and happiness again. This is when you take your power back!
I would love to hear from you. What came up for you? Where do you find yourself caught in drama? How was this blog helpful, if at all?
Sending you love from the woods AS I LIVE MY LIFE,