Elves and heart healing…

This is a sensitive subject. One because my own heart is healing. Two because I know that so many others of you out there are also warriors of heart break and ache.

I want to start with defining a word… paradigm. We all, whether we know it or not, live in a paradigm. Let me tell you what I am talking about.

Hold up your index finger. Look at it.

In the paradigm of directions what is direction is your finger pointing right now?

Up, right?!

Ok, what about in the paradigm of numbers?

One.

Now what about in the paradigm of body parts?

Finger.

OK, what to notice is your finger didn’t change. The way you were holding your finger didn’t change. Nothing changed, except the paradigm you were looking at your finger through.

It’s like sunglasses. The sun doesn’t change, but sunglasses change how you see outside.

We all see life through ‘our’ unique paradigm. Our paradigms are created through a ton of things: our past experiences, society, our parents, our heritage, our spiritual beliefs… all of it. Everything that has ever happened to you or you have done or you have gone through up to this very moment has created the paradigm through which you see life and experience life.

Interesting huh?

So let’s go back to the point…

Healing of the heart.

Today I was sitting at my home and had a moment when I knew I had to set a boundary with a man. To me this is a huge part of healing our hearts is learning to protect ourselves. Be the keeper of our hearts. This does not mean closing our hearts instead it is a sheltering or looking after. Your heart is yours. It is yours to keep and protect, no one else’s.

Setting boundaries is also a speaking of truth. Knowing you need to say something and then honoring that knowing. It is an authentic way to be in relationship with others. A house must have a foundation. Boundaries create solid structures to create something between two things.  If there weren’t any walls (boundaries) in a house then anything could come and go as it pleased. You become more susceptible to outside forces.

Setting boundaries is sooo hard for me. First of all, I feel like I am only just now, in my late 20’s, even learning what the word boundaries means. I have heard it my whole life thinking what the hell are you people talking about. Second of all, it brings up massive fear in me. Fear that I will scare people away. Fear that people won’t like me if I have boundaries. Fear that I will rejected. Fear. Fear. Fear.

Yet today in the face of fear I sent the message. Trusting that my truth will set me free even if it is scary.

So after text message was sent this is what happened.  I had a massive body reaction. I got this intense sensation going from my heart down into the pit of my stomach.

I have had this feeling many times before. It is a feeling and sensation that I am far to familiar with. It is a pounding. It is a throbbing. It is deep. It is intense.

The most powerful thing I have found to ease this feeling is meditation so that is exactly what I did I sat… then something truly magical happened. I got this vision:

Cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart.  

Sounds weird right? But let me tell you what my paradigm before this new paradigm hit was.

Old paradigm:

Something happens like setting a boundary, seeing an ex, thinking about an ex, thinking about how I might be alone forever, thinking about how much I have screwed up in life… whatever the THING that happens to create this sensation is happens… and then on comes the feeling. Pounding in my heart and down into my belly. And the second it happens here is where I live. I live as if I have anxiety. I live in a place of deep suffering and pain because of how hurt I have been. I play victim. I feel bad for myself. I begin to get really emotional. I feel sad. I have the thought over and over that love sucks. I feel like numbing myself because I never, ever want to feel this feeling again. I feel like running away and rebelling against love and closing myself off to the world because once again I NEVER, EVER want to be hurt or feel this feeling again.

Let me say this again:

There were cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart. 

The second I saw this vision my paradigm shifted. I began to welcome the feeling in my body. I was resisting it or reacting against it. I realized that the feeling might be something else. It might be a healing. It might be a mending. It might be a courage to stand up for myself. Just like the finger… there have to be other paradigms or other ways to think about this sensation.

The paradigm we view our lives through will 100% create our experiences of living. Every. Single. Time.

I continued to sit for 30 minutes in meditation and let the elves do their work. By the end the sensation had left my body.

Everyday I feel a little bit closer to true healing. To true mending. To truly being able to open my heart again. To trusting again.

Who knew elves did more than just make toys for kids for Christmas?

How could you get curious about a scenario in your life or sensation in your body and play with exploring different ways to look at it? Thinking of ways to view it that empower you. Or maybe bring you joy. Or maybe give you peace. Or maybe move you a little bit closer to what you want in life.

I would looove to hear what came up for you or what happened when you tried the exercise above!! Please share in the comments below and if you are so moved to share these words please do, I am forever grateful!

To fingers and paradigms and elves honestly…

photo-14

12 Comments

  1. This May 18th my heart was truly deeply broken in a new way. (every heart break is a new way, but this one was a doooozie). This was the first time I’d really trusted or partially depended on someone, and that lent itself to weaknesses….both good and bad.

    In the process of healing/hurting, it was hard for me to comprehend how someone who knew me so well, could not reciprocate. So, I projected this confusion onto my surroundings. I questioned everything, even my dog. I slept with people I should not have slept with. I hurt people I would never dreamed of. Blindly broke some lady codes…. developed body image issues. Worst of all I stopped responding to friends and family….usually solid as a rock.
    I couldn’t explore my thoughts far enough to find solace. There was always a point where I would have a physical reaction to the pain I was sorting through and give up, much like the reaction you described. Even the garden became an overwhelming space for me.

    The first time I saw a friend after the break was purely business. My dog had eaten my floor and I needed help fixing it. I was horribly hungover, sweating whiskey. This friend somehow coerced me to go swimming…no bathing suit, no time to think all of the sad thoughts that had kept me from crawling out of my pity hole thus far. I said no. But he insisted, saying it won’t hurt anything.

    So I went. With much hesitation. It felt wrong to be smiling again. To be smiling, caused a similar physical reaction- some deep aching because I knew I was releasing something I had held onto for too long. It was that one moment of accidentally saying yes mixed with the beautiful scenery that finally shifted my thoughts. I had read that you just wake up one day and you choose to be okay. I thought that was some mad bull shit. But, more or less, that’s what happened. It’s still nasty and beautiful and tumultuous. But that day, something shifted and I allowed myself to be celebrate loneliness, to redefine friendship, to set boundaries and expectations, and to sit half naked and feel hot again. mmmhm

    Now cheesy as it is, each month I celebrate the 18th because it’s one more month of constantly becoming a more beautiful happier version of myself. That day shifted from the most earth shattering day, to something that I celebrate. My ex and I have reconciled and have so much love for each other; we giggle over the break up and all of the ways it’s allowed us to find larger happiness.

    I’m rambling now, but as I read this, I cried over my break up for the first time in a long time and was shocked to realize they were tears of joy.

    Slowly navigating the lonely moments, doubts, frustrations that come with losing that comfort and connection. Often find myself wondering why men don’t pursue more with me. In those moments I dance like a mad woman and hope that that energy and freedom. attracts some great joy from the world. Enjoying a new looser connection with that ex, also known as friendship. But most of all just falling in love with a woman who once was broken and now is stronger and flufflier than ever with the help of coffee!

    Peaceful healing,
    D

  2. I love you so much!!! You are a gift. I know exactly what feeling your talking about, and I have learned what it is and how to move beyond it. However, your little elves are helping me to view these feelings with less dread. Thank you!

  3. Omigod. Yes. I died. Good for you. This was moving and not in a Hallmark way. Preach, my honky, puh-reach.

  4. Hi! I’m commenting on your blog!

    I love this whole thing, but this was my favorite part: I realized that the feeling might be something else. When I read that I realized I’ve never thought of pain or discomfort this way, as the process of healing. They say pain is weakness leaving the body…I like elves better. A mini paradigm shift. 🙂

    Here’s what I’m going to try: I tend to get anxious walking around town, especially the path to school I walk every day. I don’t know, I start to think about everything I have to do, I’m afraid of who I might pass on the sidewalk, etc. and I just start speaking negatively to myself in my head. Reading this has made me realize that the anxiety is just coming from me trying to set a boundary, to stay safe in whatever way. And when I think about it like that, I can see that feeling as a positive.

    Thanks for this. Love you.

    • Yay!! Yessss boundaries. I am still coming around to even liking this word… but I think they are vital for relationships to thrive. Not because they bind people to ideas or expectations forever… but simply because they let people know your truth in each moment and what you do expect and need and desire in each moment. Just honest communication before issues arise. Maybe this also comes with a knowing of oneself. We become better as we know ourselves better and trust our truths and needs. I also think Boundaries are meant to change and evolve I think just like everything else in this life!! <3 <3 Love you mama

  5. Thank you for sharing your ability to do work and harbor love. I needed this. It reminds me of the times I have been able to sit with discomfort and pain and how it took imagining myself how I want to feel. Watchung (in our hearts and minds) as elves help us to transform ourselves is powerful! Thank you!

  6. I do this paradigm shift each morning….. it’s not much but it helps me start my day. I drive east in the mornings. I tend to think about my job. The things I have to do. The people. Maybe an unpleasant interaction with someone. But then as it starts to get light and color starts to unfold on the horizon and in the plants and trees I change my paradigm to see those things that are natural and beautiful. I give thanks for the beauty that’s around us. I walk into the office with a smile and a “good morning” to everyone. I’ve done this so often I find myself looking to the horizon during the day. I guess subconsciously I know when I need a “shift”. Thank you for bringing it to my consciousness.

    • Yesss I love this!! I love that you look at the horizon and it shifts you. I can see it and it is so beautiful. Plus how could you not look at the horizon and shift… nature is the most beautiful gift <3

  7. Here’s a video that is related to paradigm shift…… to happiness and gratitude:
    http://gratituderevealed.com/dr-christine-carter/

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