This is a sensitive subject. One because my own heart is healing. Two because I know that so many others of you out there are also warriors of heart break and ache.
I want to start with defining a word… paradigm. We all, whether we know it or not, live in a paradigm. Let me tell you what I am talking about.
Hold up your index finger. Look at it.
In the paradigm of directions what is direction is your finger pointing right now?
Ok, what about in the paradigm of numbers?
Now what about in the paradigm of body parts?
OK, what to notice is your finger didn’t change. The way you were holding your finger didn’t change. Nothing changed, except the paradigm you were looking at your finger through.
It’s like sunglasses. The sun doesn’t change, but sunglasses change how you see outside.
We all see life through ‘our’ unique paradigm. Our paradigms are created through a ton of things: our past experiences, society, our parents, our heritage, our spiritual beliefs… all of it. Everything that has ever happened to you or you have done or you have gone through up to this very moment has created the paradigm through which you see life and experience life.
So let’s go back to the point…
Healing of the heart.
Today I was sitting at my home and had a moment when I knew I had to set a boundary with a man. To me this is a huge part of healing our hearts is learning to protect ourselves. Be the keeper of our hearts. This does not mean closing our hearts instead it is a sheltering or looking after. Your heart is yours. It is yours to keep and protect, no one else’s.
Setting boundaries is also a speaking of truth. Knowing you need to say something and then honoring that knowing. It is an authentic way to be in relationship with others. A house must have a foundation. Boundaries create solid structures to create something between two things. If there weren’t any walls (boundaries) in a house then anything could come and go as it pleased. You become more susceptible to outside forces.
Setting boundaries is sooo hard for me. First of all, I feel like I am only just now, in my late 20’s, even learning what the word boundaries means. I have heard it my whole life thinking what the hell are you people talking about. Second of all, it brings up massive fear in me. Fear that I will scare people away. Fear that people won’t like me if I have boundaries. Fear that I will rejected. Fear. Fear. Fear.
Yet today in the face of fear I sent the message. Trusting that my truth will set me free even if it is scary.
So after text message was sent this is what happened. I had a massive body reaction. I got this intense sensation going from my heart down into the pit of my stomach.
I have had this feeling many times before. It is a feeling and sensation that I am far to familiar with. It is a pounding. It is a throbbing. It is deep. It is intense.
The most powerful thing I have found to ease this feeling is meditation so that is exactly what I did I sat… then something truly magical happened. I got this vision:
Cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart.
Sounds weird right? But let me tell you what my paradigm before this new paradigm hit was.
Something happens like setting a boundary, seeing an ex, thinking about an ex, thinking about how I might be alone forever, thinking about how much I have screwed up in life… whatever the THING that happens to create this sensation is happens… and then on comes the feeling. Pounding in my heart and down into my belly. And the second it happens here is where I live. I live as if I have anxiety. I live in a place of deep suffering and pain because of how hurt I have been. I play victim. I feel bad for myself. I begin to get really emotional. I feel sad. I have the thought over and over that love sucks. I feel like numbing myself because I never, ever want to feel this feeling again. I feel like running away and rebelling against love and closing myself off to the world because once again I NEVER, EVER want to be hurt or feel this feeling again.
Let me say this again:
There were cute elves using little tools and sending love into my body to mend my heart.
The second I saw this vision my paradigm shifted. I began to welcome the feeling in my body. I was resisting it or reacting against it. I realized that the feeling might be something else. It might be a healing. It might be a mending. It might be a courage to stand up for myself. Just like the finger… there have to be other paradigms or other ways to think about this sensation.
The paradigm we view our lives through will 100% create our experiences of living. Every. Single. Time.
I continued to sit for 30 minutes in meditation and let the elves do their work. By the end the sensation had left my body.
Everyday I feel a little bit closer to true healing. To true mending. To truly being able to open my heart again. To trusting again.
Who knew elves did more than just make toys for kids for Christmas?
How could you get curious about a scenario in your life or sensation in your body and play with exploring different ways to look at it? Thinking of ways to view it that empower you. Or maybe bring you joy. Or maybe give you peace. Or maybe move you a little bit closer to what you want in life.
I would looove to hear what came up for you or what happened when you tried the exercise above!! Please share in the comments below and if you are so moved to share these words please do, I am forever grateful!
To fingers and paradigms and elves honestly…