What if you didn’t have to try so hard?

It’s dark because you are trying too hard.
Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly.
Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply.
Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days, such a humorless little prig.
Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me.
When it comes to dying even. Nothing ponderous, or portentous, or emphatic.
No rhetoric, no tremolos,
no self conscious persona putting on its celebrated imitation of Christ or Little Nell.
And of course, no theology, no metaphysics.
Just the fact of dying and the fact of the clear light.

So throw away your baggage and go forward.
There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet,
trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair.
That’s why you must walk so lightly.
Lightly my darling,
on tiptoes and no luggage,
not even a sponge bag,
completely unencumbered.”
― Aldous Huxley

I have a tendency at times in my life to use intense effort to do things, get things done, or to feel okay.

I am also prone to be harsh with myself. To judge myself easily. To talk to myself in demanding, demeaning ways. To expect more out of myself than I would ever expect out of anyone else.

I have in some way convinced myself (or society has convinced me) that this is how I will get more done or become the person I know I really am. This is how I will grow my business. This is how I will get better at yoga. This is how I will become more spiritual. I have told myself that this is the way to get what I want. It will happen through pushing myself hard, hard, and harder or through struggle.

I also see that at times I try to manipulate situations so that I can get what I want. Using effort to have my life and things in my life feel ok. This pattern shows up most in my relationships. Manipulating the relationship so that I don’t have to be alone. Or not having the hard conversations so that I can stay in the relationship a little bit longer… maybe this time it will work.

But lately the messages I have been receiving are more towards tenderness, lightness, and gentleness.

How can I be more gentle and tender with myself?

How can I tread more lightly as I walk on this Earth? Physically. In  my impact. In my voice. In my effort. Everything.

How can I use less effort and dance more with the flow of life?

Do you find yourself feeling like life is harder than you think it needs to be? If so, how can you soften? How can you be a little lighter in your walk today? 

Can you make your breathes longer today? Inhaling on a 5 count and exhaling on a 7 count.

Can you drive the speed limit? Allowing yourself to be late if you are going to be late.

Can you walk like a grasshopper and not like an elephant? Noticing every step.

Can you be present when you talk to your children or spouse?

Can you look someone in the eyes when you speak to them?

Can you enjoy your favorite song, singing every word and letting it penetrate your being?

Can you go lightly my darling?

I would love to hear what comes up for you when you read this. Please if you are so called share anything and all things that resonate or want to be shared. Also if you feel moved share these words with anyone you think could benefit from them!

To tenderness,

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4 Comments

  1. Oh God, where to start?

    Your writing Kimberly…powerful. Just powerful.

    It’s as if every word is chock full of sustenance. Full of truth. Encouragement. Wisdom. Perfection.

    I am so extremely grateful for this post and it couldn’t have come at a better time — I believe the universe works this way. Things happen for a reason, and every thing has its purpose.

    What a blessing you are to me. And to others, I just know it.

    Lightly, you say?

    My heart says “Yes!” and my mind says “What does that even mean?”

    I am just as you describe yourself as here…harsh, judgmental, demanding, demeaning. And to MYSELF! Some to others, but mostly: just me.

    So what to do about this?

    Tread lightly. Breathe deeply. Just be.

    I know some of these things, but not much. But I’m willing to learn and to find out. Life just cannot be as hard as I’m making mine out to be in this very moment. I’m currently seeing everything as such a struggle. Effort. Hardship. Pain. Creating my own suffering in the process, no less.

    But I think life is meant to be that way..we must sometimes learn what it is we DON’T want, in order to learn what it is that we DO want.

    I may not have all the answers, but I have my heart. My heart that is full of love, and compassion, and devotion, and kindness. A heart that is willing to fight for what’s right and good in this world. To stand up and be a warrior for all that I truly believe in.

    Anyone out there who needs a friend, send me a message. I am here. I am human, just as you are human. We are one. We are love.

    Contact me at bmar0623@gmail.com. I can’t wait to hear from you. I love you.

    Thanks again Kimberly, you are truly one of a kind.

    <3 Brittany

  2. Kim-
    I was reading through your entries and realized something: I read articles, magazines, blogs, etc., just to find the right words describing my heartache. When I read a particular entry of yours, my eyes welled with tears and I wanted shout “somebody understands it!” It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders when I realized that you were describing all my struggles (and that of many other women and young girls) that I couldn’t find the perfect, dark, heart wrenching words for. You have a true gift, Kim. You are fearless…and a true warrior.

    • Shelly!! Thank you so much. Seriously… thank you! This means sooo much to me to see this.

      Because you see that I am a fearless true warrior that means you also are… you are just seeing yourself through me! xo

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