Your money issues
The sun was no longer visible in the sky, but its light lingered. Creating shadows. Silhouettes.
Naked I stepped out of my lavender infused bath. Dripping. Calm. Breathing deeper than I have in weeks.
Clothes beaconed me. Warm, cozy clothes as leaves fall and temperatures find new lows. My room is up a steep flight of stairs.
The scene around me is boxes and things strewn around. In a rushed an attempt to organize my life before I move again for the 5th or 6th time just this year.
I took three steps up my stair case, suddenly remembering I needed something. What now I don’t remember because as I went to turn and step down the three steps I slipped, slide, and crashed into my tile floor. My right hand reaching down to try and catch me.
Yet sometimes you can’t be caught in the graceful ways you dream. Sometimes life has another plan for you.
In that moment I knew something was not right. I had watched my wrist bend the complete opposite direction than it should. Losing all mobility. Feeling sharp pain and automatic swelling.
I just laid there.
My stairs lie right in front of my icebox. I remembered I had a steak a dear friend had given me. I don’t keep ice. But this steak would be the saving grace along with a dear friend who would minutes later come to my rescue.
I placed the steak on my wrist. Knowing something was either broken or twisted and turned.
My car is a 5 speed. I knew there was no way I would be able to drive myself across town to an emergency clinic even though I knew this was what needed to happen.
Hours later, rescued and driven by one of my closest friends to a clinic, an hour long waiting room sit, and multiple nurses and doctors my wrist was in brace and I walked out.
Let me pause the story and tell you something about myself…
Running is my go to. When things get hard or feel like a struggle in my life escape feels so much easier and better than dealing.
This time the Universe was not going to let me run.
Can you see me… It is kind of comical. Moving with one hand and trying to get the whole thing done in three days.
I called my mom. She came and sat with me.
She already knew and the first thing she asked me when she arrived was Kimberly when are you going to stop running from life? From the hard places?
I looked at her and tears swelled. We both knew this was the moment when I am being offered a lesson to stay.
Sit in the darkness. Set boundaries for myself and my home and my life. Stand up for myself.
In this moment as I sit writing this. Hand in brace. I know deep learning is happening. Rewiring. Deep patterning is being untangled. I know because I feel so at peace.
Running allowed me to feel better quickly. It gave me a quick fix. But my issues and struggle always resurfaced or came back to me in another form.
This time I choose to move through, find actually solutions, and heal this part of myself.
Not running has given me space to breathe.
If you are running, I get it.
What would become available or possible for you if you chose to not run?
How can you sit, breathe, and let yourself go through whatever the Universe is begging for you to go through?
This is one of my favorite quotes.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.” – Tolle, A New Earth
Not have to run feels good. To give myself permission to experience the pain and the joy in this moment feels liberating. Running served me for years and now I am trying something else.
If you find yourself running… please know you are not alone.
I am here with you. Let me know what I can do for you or how I can support you.
I would love to hear your story. I would love to hear your version. Please share it below. Let this community hold you.
You are amazing. You have choice.
SO much love,