I barely made it…

I almost didn’t go to Denver.

Seriously I didn’t.

This morning I was lying in my moms bed all warm and comfortable; I began to think about the next few days ahead of me and what it might look like to get into my car and drive to Denver. My One Year Alone journey is starting in Denver and is supposed to start today. Anxiety began to set in. I knew that the first full day I would be in Denver would be a Thursday, which is my busiest client and work day. So I began to change my plans. I thought, man, maybe I should leave and go to Denver on Friday. Friday makes more sense and is such a better day. I won’t be busy. I can spend the next two days at my moms house getting all my work done and not have to stress about anything. Well to intensify my already intense thoughts, about this time,  my dad turns on the weather channel.  I hear the low, deep voice begin talking about a ‘storm’ that is coming in from the west and is supposed to be in the direct path I am driving to Denver. There was a red circle on the screen (which was highlighting where I would be driving) and it said severe weather from noon to 6:00pm (pretty much my entire time driving). I started to doubt myself. Should I go? Is the Universe giving me a sign. Is this really what I want? God, this feels so uncomfortable. I can barely breathe. How in the hell am I going to make it the next year? I don’t think I can do this. Maybe I should just stay in Fayetteville and do my business here. Every single thought you could think of presented itself.

My breath was becoming really shallow…

So I sat… took out a pen and decided I to write, get everything out, and get clear. Before I could write I knew I needed to catch my breath. I closed my eyes and I just started to breathe, really deep breaths, over and over again. Breathing in. Breathing out. My breath deepened and  as it did my truest self spoke to me:

“Kimberly there will always be a million things that will try to stop you. You must keep moving. Go. Trust. Love. The rest will be revealed to you. Nothing can stop you, unless you let it.”

In this moment I knew this was truth.  I also gave myself credit and realized that I have all the resources I need to get through anything. If there is bad weather I can stop, rent a hotel room, and wait it out. If my workload is overwhelming on Thursday or ever I can request help, push back dates, or find a space in Denver to campout without distraction and do everything I need to do. I can do anything… literally. Nothing can stop me. I am capable to move and maneuver though whatever presents itself to me today, tomorrow, and forever.

Then I stood up. Gathered my things. Put them in my car and kissed my parents goodbye. Today, I drove from Fayetteville to Denver. I have never driven this far by myself. I have flown many places on my own but never just me and my car and everything I own.  The weather was beautiful. It stormed on me for about 30 minutes and it was a really light rain. The storm gifted me with a rainbow and clouds that could change anyones day. I arrived in Denver and was offered a two bedroom apartment to rent. This apartment was supposed to be rented. But for some reason no one rented it in only October. I took it. It is magical in this apartment…I mean magical! I was gifted upon my arrival with a night of wonderful food, drink, and people. All of the humans I met yesterday are absolutely wonderful. Many of the people I met are from Arkansas. One of them is best friends with my oldest brother (for people that know me and my brother… this is such a blessing in my life to meet someone who loves my brother so much) and one of them (the girl I am renting the apartment from) use to compete in forensics with me when we were in high school. I mean seriously… completely amazing. I showed up for my life and life said YES.

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  (If you look for it, even your darkness will offer you gifts of beauty, joy, and opportunity.

Picture taken by my iPhone on my trip to Denver.)

Thank you Universe for the strength to listen, honor, and keep moving.

Excited for the journey ahead. I am here. I promise to show up, honor my hearts calling, trust, and let the rest unfold as it will.

To not letting anything stop you,

Kimberly

#‎oneyearalone‬

4 Comments

  1. I am sure so many people can relate to thinking they are getting signs to not move ahead. I was right there along with you, with your busienss, the weather prediction. I appreciate you working through it see you will always have the resources you need at any given moment.

    And how many time have we dreaded something only to find out when we followed through, it was better than we imagined.

    Thanks for sharing your process so genuinely

    • This is so true, Joy! Thank you for mirroring that it isn’t just me! Sometimes I think it is easy to feeling that you are the only one that feels a certain way or experiences fears or questions. Being in Denver has shown me many things… mostly though I think it is asking me to take a look, which I feel grateful for and also did not expect. It is asking me to own myself and worth more and more and more… how can I be more myself in each moment..present, connected, engaged, alive… more will be revealed.

  2. I am SO glad you made it to Denver. What a treat to have met you. Your timing impeccable. Your words ring true and inspire me write my own. I hold onto my words with white knuckles and maybe, just maybe, sharing is a release that allows us to engage in the present that you speak of.
    A toast to you from Denver! Thank you again.

    • Kacia!! Thank you so much!! Your words and meeting you mean more than I could ever put into words! Please let me know when you start writing! I would love to read it :)!! Keep in touch!

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